If this wonderful and lovely year-round Pacific Northwest weather continues, we are going to have to take those population growth predictions and quadruple them. And then supersize them. As a counteractive PR move, maybe it will deluge rain during the entire U.S. Open at Chambers Bay Golf Course (University Place in Pierce County) on June 15-21. Kidding.
It’s a big deal that the 115th U.S. Open is being held in the Pacific Northwest for the first time ever. Already the press reports are pouring in. “It’s a very interesting golf course,” said Phil Mickelson. Meanwhile, Ian Poulter tweeted that players who made scouting trips said the course was “a complete farce.” Ooh. Fighting words. Fun, fun! Will we be host to some enduring U.S. Open controversy? Time will tell. Let’s play through the headlines.
“Tiny Origami robot can fold itself and self-destruct”: Ah, progress. Way to take a centuries’ old, paper-based, beautiful artistic tradition and turn it into a tiny, technological … kamikaze. “Exxon Mobil, Chevron reject climate experts”: What a shock. Just another example of the contemporary practice of non-scientists declaring that they know better than experts in any given scientific area.
“Drunken argument between two roommates over whether iPhone is better than Android leaves them covered in blood after they stabbed each other with broken bottles”: Installment No. 999 of why it’s funny that people still insist calling them “smartphones.”
“Amazon offers limited free shipping on same-day delivery orders”: It’s difficult to imagine what’s so important that we need it so immediately. Has my package of Instant Gratification arrived yet?
“Pope Francis reveals why he hasn’t watched TV since 1990”: Because the cancellation of “Newhart” was too much to take? Or was it the debut of “Beverly Hills, 90210”?
“20-year-old Wisconsin cheddar makes debut at $209 a pound”: Wow. Better not burn that cheeseburger on the grill. For extra credit: Calculate the cost of each bite of nachos starring the $209 a pound cheddar.
“Massive Google drone crashes during test”: According to the article, Google is in a race with Facebook to “bring Internet access to areas of the world without sufficient infrastructure on the ground.” Just what those areas need, a drone crashing down. Doesn’t it seem that areas without sufficient infrastructure on the ground have bigger problems than not being able to update their Facebook status or buy something directly from a Google search? (“Google says ‘buy’ button coming to online advertising service.”)
“Stalk Facebook messenger friends with ‘creepy’ extension” and “Google patents ‘creepy’ internet toys to run the home”: Hmm. That operative word keeps popping up. Perhaps one day the sites will be called Creepbook and Creeple, and the web Creepnet, or just Creepy.
Practice your golf jargon this week, like “fluffy lie” and “chip and run” in non-golf situations.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com
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