Doesn’t Autumnal Equinox sound like a fine stage name for an aging dancer? Let’s leaf through the headlines:
“In 5 years, we could all have ‘digital twins’ that make decisions for us”: One day, says John Smart, a futurist and founder of the Acceleration Studies Foundation, these digital twins will hold conversations and have faces that mimic human emotion. “They will become increasingly like us and extensions of us,” he says.
They will become increasingly like us with their ability to mimic human emotion?
Is it OK if I weep for real, oh cyber twin?
“Twitter suggests Scotland is going solo” and “Scotland rejects independence in historic vote”: Can we now please, for the love of a good scientific poll, accept that Twitter is merely predictive of what people using Twitter might do? And probably not even that, considering individuals, businesses and political campaigns can create Twitter accounts, and algorithms that produce tweets, and can buy followers and all that nonsense…
“Will Pizza Hut’s ‘skinny slice’ fatten its bottom line?”: Hmm. It will cost the same as a regular pizza. They might want to consult with Burger King about how its lower-calorie “Satisfries” experiment turned out.
“Nike suspends deal with Adrian Peterson”: Ah, yes, the paragon of virtue issued this statement: “Nike in no way condones child abuse or domestic violence of any kind and has shared our concerns with the NFL.” Because how can we keeping making money off these guys if they keep breaking the law forcing us to drop them?
“Does Hope Solo case exhibit double standard in domestic violence cases?”: Yes.
“Managers tell women in tech they are ‘abrasive’ and need to ‘step back’ to ‘let others shine‘”: It’s not just in tech jobs — ask former New York Times executive editor Jill Abramson … accused of being “pushy.” Or, just curious, do you know a male employee (besides a Chippendale dancer) who has ever been instructed to “Smile! Boost morale!”?
“Revolving door keeps smacking CEOs”: Oh, ouch. Don’t let that multi-million dollar severance package hit ya in the butt on the way out. (Known as corporate punishment.)
“The best consumer drones on the planet”: Best consumer drones? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms, the kind the late comedian George Carlin liked to point out, such as “military intelligence” and “business ethics”?
“5 reasons McDonald’s is falling apart”: Only in Greedy Shareholder Land could a company that rakes in billions in profits every quarter and every year be considered to be “falling apart.” For crying out loud.
Next time you’re in trouble, blame it on your still-evolving digital twin.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com.
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