“Listen up,” says Bunk. “I’ve got one for you.”
“I’m listening,” says Debunk. “Let’s hear it.”
“You should never change horses in midstream.” Bunk’s voice is triumphant. He’s really got his friend cornered this time.
“That’s nice,” says Debunk. “Are we going horseback riding?”
Bunk and Debunk – sitting in Bunk’s living room, clicking through the channels. They keep up with the news, and they argue about every bit of it. This has been going on for years. This year, of course, it’s the election.
“I mean for president,” Bunk explains. “You don’t want to switch horses right in the middle of everything – Iraq and the war on terrorism and all. You need to keep things steady. Send the right signals.”
“So that means Bush?”
“Totally.”
“Voting for Bush is the best way to get across the stream.”
“It’s the only way.”
“OK then – it’s Bush.”
“See?” says Bunk. “I knew you’d listen to reason!”
That’s not entirely true. Bunk has been trying to get Debunk to listen to reason (Bunk’s reason, anyway) as long as he’s known him; Debunk is one hard case. But this time – Bunk can’t believe how easy it was this time. He’s up from the couch and halfway to the kitchen for a refill.
“What if he throws a shoe?” This is Debunk, his voice perfectly conversational, as if Bunk were still sitting right next to him. Bunk isn’t sure he heard it all.
“Say again?”
“What if he throws a shoe? The horse, I mean.”
“There isn’t any horse,” says Bunk.
“Or what if he comes up lame?”
“There isn’t any horse,” says Bunk again, a bit more insistently. (He knew it had been too easy!) “It’s just a figure of speech – it means you don’t change leaders during a crisis.”
“Fair enough,” says Debunk. “A figure of speech.” Bunk smiles and turns back toward the kitchen. He’s got his hand on the refrigerator door.
“What if it’s the wrong stream?”
“Huh?”
“What if this horse of yours is crossing the wrong stream? What if he’s got it in his head to cross this one particular stream, even if it’s not the most important stream to be crossing right now? Wouldn’t that be a good reason to change horses?”
“Well … “
“Or say the water is really dangerous – it’s much deeper than he told you it would be.”
“Horses don’t talk!” says Bunk.
“It’s just a figure of speech,” says Debunk. Now he’s the one who’s smiling.
Bunk can feel it slipping away from him. (He’s had this feeling before.) He racks his brain, searching for one last snappy comeback, a real clincher. If only – wait! He’s got it!
“You don’t switch presidents in the middle of a war. It’s that simple.”
“Good point,” says Debunk. “I certainly can’t quibble with that.”
“See? I knew I – “
“I do have a question, though.”
“Go ahead.”
“What happens in 2008?”
“Excuse me?”
“Let’s say enough people agree with you – I don’t think they will, but just for argument’s sake, let’s say enough people agree that you don’t change presidents in the middle of a war. So Bush wins this November.”
“OK.”
“But even Bush says the war against terrorism is going to last for decades!”
“OK … “
“So what happens in 2008? Do you let him run again?”
“He can’t – it’s against the Constitution.”
“Exactly. So eventually he’s going to have to leave anyway.”
“Sure, but … “
“Or does he get to stay in office until he decides the war is over? No matter how long it takes?”
“I didn’t – “
“Or how poorly it’s going?”
“That’s not what I – “
Bunk and Debunk. They’re just getting started.
Rick Horowitz is a nationally syndicated columnist. Contact him by writing to rickhoro@execpc.com.
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