The president of the United States had barely made it back from the East Room to the Oval Office when the phone started ringing.
“Yeah?” said the president.
“It’s the base,” said his secretary. “On line 1.”
The base was calling to congratulate the president on the stem-cell veto. His veto message made a strong statement for life, the base wanted him to know.
“Well,” said the president, “it’s what I believe.”
“We know you do,” said the base. “And we were pleased to hear you say it.”
“Thanks for callin’,” said the president.
“Keep it up,” said the base.
It couldn’t have been more than a couple of days later that the phone in the Oval Office rang again.
“Yeah?” said the president.
“It’s the base,” said his secretary. “On line 1.”
The base was making sure the president was planning to sign the latest abortion-restriction bill working its way through Congress. The House and the Senate had passed somewhat different versions of the bill, the base reminded him, but once the two versions were reconciled, the base was counting on the president to sign it into law.
“You know I will,” said the president. “You needn’t worry about that.”
“We’re not the ones who need to worry,” said the base. “We’re not the ones with approval ratings in the 30s.”
“I never pay attention to the polls,” the president insisted.
“We know you don’t,” the base replied. “But just in case they ever cross your mind … “
“Thanks for callin’,” said the president.
“Keep it up,” said the base. “We’ll be watching.”
The next time the base called, the president was in the middle of a meeting on the Middle East, which was, at that particular moment, engulfed in flames.
“He’s kind of busy right now,” said his secretary.
“We’re the base,” said the base. “He’ll want to talk to us.”
She put the call through.
This time, the base was calling to supply the president with new talking points about same-sex marriage, and flag burning, and dirty words on television, and two or three other topics the base felt very strongly about. The base wanted the president to work the new talking points into his speeches and his press conferences at every opportunity.
“We’ve got lots of other stuff goin’ on right now,” said the president, “but I’ll certainly try to accommodate your request.”
“It isn’t a request,” said the base. “We’re your base.”
It was just a few days later, with the president sitting at his desk reading casualty reports, when the Oval Office phone rang again.
“Yeah?” said the president.
“It’s the base on line 2,” said his secretary.
The base was calling to tell the president to pick up the dry cleaning, and hang new portraits in the Roosevelt Room, and get the brakes checked on the minivan. The base wasn’t interested in excuses. The base wanted what the base wanted and the base wanted it now, or there’d be consequences.
And another thing:
“Why aren’t we on line 1?”
Rick Horowitz is a nationally syndicated columnist. Contact him by writing to rickhoro@execpc.com.
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