Young people need to know they’re loved

RAVES

In response to the May 9 front-page story about raves (“Raves are the rage, drug official warns”): It s frightening to hear about the drug problem connected to something that kids otherwise would have reason to enjoy. I’ve had many discussions with my 23 year-old daughter who has gone to raves since before they were popular. Some things she has told me:

The average age of attendees is 17 to 24 (or so).

The main attraction is the techno music, freestyle dancing and acceptance by peers no matter what you look like.

Some rave-goers use drugs (like Ecstasy) and some do not. There are raves organized by responsible people who discourage drugs, alcohol and any kind of violence. Their music is the main thing.

Raves are the place to go because of an unfortunate lack of alternatives, i.e. dance clubs that are not open and available to kids under 21.

As a long-time parent (who has often fallen short) I have remained cautious and skeptical about the rave phenomenon. If my youngest, now 14, wants to go to a rave some time in the future, I plan to reply with, “Sure, where is it? I’ll go too.” If he’s still game, we’ll go. (I can pretend we’re not related.) Otherwise he won’t.

There is all kinds of free parenting advice to be had, and though mine is not new, it bears repeating and perhaps posting on the bathroom mirror by every parent:

1. Do get involved with your kids and sacrifice whatever it takes to provide them with fun activities. Know and care what their individual interests are.

2. Do enforce curfews and know where your child is. Always check with other parents of friends they spend the night with (no matter the “you don’t trust me!” protests.)

3. Don’t expect kids to respect the dangers of alcohol and drugs if you indulge in either of these yourself. Sober up.

4. If your child is acting out in ways you can’t deal with – don’t put off or ignore the problem. Seek help until you get some answers. You are not alone.

5. Pray.

At bottom must be a tough love that demonstrates commitment to our children and teens. We are all responsible for their well-being. Neighbors, relatives and trusted acquaintances are invaluable as adult friends and mentors. Spend time with a kid from a broken or disadvantaged home and you may make the difference for him or her as far as the choices they make. Don’t wait to be asked. Notice the need and care enough to step in their direction. Every single effort is worth it, because they are worth it. We need to make sure they know it.

Lake Stevens