“Anger is a short madness” is from Horace’s “Epistles, Book 1.”
Since Horace lived from 65 B.C until 8 B.C., it seems unlikely that many of today’s coaches use that line in motivating their players.
Athletes, even the beginners, learn that sports participation offers emotional experiences that range from extreme delight to deep dejection. Most coaches believe that athletes, to become the best they can be, need to make serious emotional investments in a game, sport or team.
Soon after their first game, players learn that the feelings of pride that go with winning are expected to be shared with fans. With every contest, half the players (those on the losing side) are unable to share that sense of pride to their win-culture fans, friends and family. That’s three F’s.
Feeling anger about failure is totally natural and, like fear, it can even be protective in some situations. Being unable to provide what your family, friends, and fans want individually from you can be the fourth and most important F on a youngster’s sports report card.
Sports psychologist Tom Tutko contends there is nothing wrong with having feelings of anger. Tutko says, “It is not the feeling of anger, but what we do with our anger that is critical. … An athlete who gets extremely angry at the coach because of being corrected may miss the message of why he is being corrected and continue to make the same mistake.”
A few adults at kids games have become so intent on being angry that being “cool” is no longer an option. Parents of kids on the same team fight it out in the stands (or parking lot). A sports columnist expresses blame for a loss on the lack of intensity by high school team members. A coach tells players they need to be angry in order to destroy the enemy.
Should some of the accepted “anger management” sports etiquette be declared out of bounds?
Members of the 2002 state legislature may not have been angry, but they were certainly frustrated. The “bullying law” they passed will require schools to adopt and administer standards of intimidation and bullying. Will the policies include education sports?
We no longer have enough fingers to count the instances of adult anger run amuck at youth sports events every week. The Washington Interscholastic Activities Association sought authority to assess fines to coaches who lose their cool and are ejected from education sports games. Member schools wisely declined to go along with the idea.
The WIAA Board sent a clear message, telling member schools that “what we do with our anger is critical.” So will schools eliminate the coaching culture of some sports to stop explosions of anger by coaches, fans and players? Even if they believe intimidation gets opponents mentally off their game?
Professional and college athletes are taught to expect and withstand verbal abuse. Even though “focus on the game” is an admirable trait to teach players, verbal abuse is difficult to ignore during education sports events.
Where did all this uncontrolled anger originate? Partly from the way adults have kids play games. Partly from acceptance of the way we were encouraged to play. Partly from the natural tendency to become aggressive when we become frustrated. And from something called the “frustration-aggression hypothesis.”
When we get mad, we act out. Anger builds in intensity and is justified by whatever is called for to win.
Making fun of, laughing at or threatening an opponent often is seen as acceptable because it is only talk. It’s OK to hurt with words if it gives a winning advantage, right?
Anger is often mistaken as an emotional investment in the team and players and as an acceptable motivator. Being angry and violent, taunting and trash-talking builds a wall between competitors.
Educators believe athletics is a training ground for competition and challenges in life. One of the truly great advantages is learning from and observing those more gifted than us. Role models in athletics are often gifted opponents.
But as fellow athletes respect each other, too little honor is given for the time, talent, effort and skills of opponents. In so doing, the opportunity to learn from those we compete against is cut off.
Be cool! There is probably more to be learned from defeat than victory. In victory we feel we have the answers and are doing it right. In defeat we know something is wrong and there is room for improvement.
Anger vs. anger is a never-ending downward spiral. So get over it – or you’ll really lose it!
Cliff Gillies, former executive director of the Washington Interscholastic Activities Association, writes weekly during the school year for The Herald. His mailing address is 7500 U.S. Highway 101, South Bend, WA 98586. His e-mail address is cliffsal@techline.com.
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