One’s Ward Cleaver. The other is Gordon Gekko.
Ask a stupid question of Mike Holmgren, he’ll try to bail you out. He’ll play along and answer the question you actually wanted to ask had you brought your brain to the press conference. Inside, you thank him.
Ask a stupid question of Bill Parcells and he’ll mention your double-digit IQ, call the Sylvan Learning Center to give you extra “help” and refer to you the rest of the year as “Intellectual Cheez-Whiz.” Inside, you curse him.
Parcells is to reporters what beets are to taste buds. At least, that’s what we’re led to believe. Look at every Parcells clip ESPN shows and he’s rolling his eyes at someone.
It all strikes Holmgren as hilarious. Holmgren has known Parcells for decades. They were opposing head coaches in Super Bowl XXXI. They’re regular companions at NFL meetings. They get along famously.
And the truth is, they’re more alike than not.
“I consider him a friend,” said Holmgren, three days before his Seahawks face Parcells’ Dallas Cowboys in a first-round playoff game at Qwest Field.
“He always has been very, very good to me. I’ve gone to him when I’ve needed some advice and he’s been very open. He’s an interesting man. I have a lot of respect for him.”
Some of the blame for Parcells’ crusty reputation certainly lies on Parcells himself. Then again, he’s had help. When he went through open-heart surgery in 1992, the New York media cracked that the operation was the only indication that he had a heart at all.
Still, Parcells can become irritable. Flash back to this preseason, when he became pretty testy whenever the subject of Terrell Owens came up.
“When you’re asked the same question every day 15 times for about a month, you get sort of tired of answering it,” he said.
While Holmgren regularly shows patience and understanding for his players, that’s not what we hear when it comes to Parcells. And maybe that’s unfair.
Holmgren gave troubled receiver Koren Robinson multiple chances to clean himself up, but had to cut him loose after Robinson’s guilty plea in 2005 for driving under the influence.
Holmgren also took the reins after safety Ken Hamlin suffered severe head injuries following a fight in a Seattle nightclub in October 2005. Holmgren warned players and the coaching staff and forbade them from visiting the area in the future.
Parcells took a lot of criticism in 2003 for cutting safety Keith Davis a month after he was shot in the hip and the elbow outside a Dallas nightclub. Parcells later admitted he was trying to set an example to his team.
Parcells, though, later signed Davis, who has started 21 games for the Cowboys and has been one of the team’s best special-teams players the past three seasons.
Last July, Davis was shot again, this time while driving down a Dallas highway. One bullet grazed the back of his head, while another lodged in his thigh. Davis was able to participate in training camp and had the bullet removed.
Parcells uses Davis as an example of what can happen when a player finds himself in the wrong circumstances.
This week, Parcells read his players news reports of Denver Broncos corner Darrent Williams, killed Monday morning in a drive-by shooting.
“I tell them that, when something happens, that they will be the victim, not the other party,” Parcells said.
This isn’t the temperamental rogue described in so many media accounts. This is the Parcells who has three married daughters; the grandfather; the Parcells who dotes on Cody, his girlfriend’s cat, the Parcells who admits to cravings for peanut butter (which he’s been known to scoop it right out of the jar and directly into his mouth) but proudly announces he hasn’t had a cookie all season.
“I can eat a sleeve of Fig Newtons in a bout 10 minutes if I put my mind to it,” he said.
So despite the image Parcells has created (with the unwanted help of the media), he may be more like Holmgren than anyone might believe.
“We’re from diverse backgrounds,” Parcells said. “We’re East Coast and West Coast. We’re different guys altogether, but we do have a lot in common. I’ve told him that I’ve found a kinship there. I’m not ashamed of it. I’m really honored to have known him. I like him a lot.
“I think he’s a really good coach and a better guy.”
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