Parenting brings enough challenges without adding the hazards of coaching one of your own children.
Coaching children to be children is something everyone who has one does. There is no more important parental responsibility than coaching a child toward adulthood, which they inevitably reach. Very few, however, will become a major league athlete or coach. Coaching a sport is different than coaching life, even though both are essential to success.
Many high school varsity coaches decide not to coach a family member because of other potential dangers. For one thing, coaching styles usually differ from parenting styles. Clashes with offspring on the team can turn a coaching problem into a family problem. More than one player/child has asked his coach/parent to be a coach at school and parent at home.
Coaching characteristics are not, nor should they be, the same in every sport or common among all coaches.
A coach who feels his style may be a problem for coaching his own child might find it best to have someone else do the coaching. One great advantage athletes have while growing up is experiencing different styles of coaches — just like when they take on the responsibilities for their own careers and families.
Coaching and parenting are as much about learning and teaching what not to do as what to do.
Those deciding whether to coach their own child have several realities to consider. Here are but a few:
A parent-coach may even be thankful to have one less parent to deal with. But if the team is really to benefit, the objectivity expected of coaches should also be practiced by all parents.
Objectivity is a dizzying balancing act for coaches and parents if the coaching tightrope is held up by weak support. Even when every conceivable precaution is taken, problems are bound to occur.
Comparisons are a good way for parents to avert bias:
Being a parent/coach may be too much of a family burden even with the temporary blessings that come from sports accomplishments. Children perform better and are less confused when directed by only one coaching staff. Confusion loses more games than children do.
No matter how objective a coach may be when playing his own son or daughter, he is being realistic when he prepares to respond to accusations of favoritism. Parents, and especially parent’s parents, will always lobby for their own favorite players. Grandparents are convinced everyone will win, eventually, if their grandchildren play.
I’ve noticed that I don’t care if the soccer coach plays his son so long as my grandson is still playing. (They could, however, pass the ball to my grandson more often.)
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