BALTIMORE — Grace Rolle remembers the crash and the silence that followed.
“You’ve heard of a mother’s intuition?” she asked recently. “I heard a loud noise, and it sounded like somebody fell. After about two minutes, I thought that it didn’t sound right. When I went downstairs to the garage, the papers were strewn everywhere.”
Then she saw her son, Samari, on the ground, conscious but dazed.
“His lip was busted, his tongue was messed up and his neck was swollen,” she said. “They have sharp, concrete stairs. I think when he fell, he must have hit those stairs.”
That morning last September when his life changed dramatically, Samari Rolle asked his mother, who was visiting from Florida, if he had been hurt in the Baltimore Ravens’ game the day before.
“It was Wednesday,” he said. “She knew something wasn’t right.”
After calls to his wife, Danisha, and to the Ravens, Rolle was taken from his Baltimore County home to Union Memorial Hospital. Just in time, as it turned out.
“When I was going through the MRI machine, I had another seizure,” said Rolle, 31. “Then I knew what the problem was.”
He would be diagnosed with epilepsy, a neurological disorder that results in seizures when the brain fires electrical impulses four or more times the normal rate. Nearly 3 million people in the United States have epilepsy, including All-Pro guard Alan Faneca, who recently signed with the New York Jets.
The Ravens cornerback would have three seizures, the last one coming days before the Ravens played at Pittsburgh on Monday Night Football. It was Rolle’s effort to get back on the field that inspired his teammates to vote Rolle as the Ravens’ Ed Block Courage Award winner this year.
Rolle feels slightly uncomfortable for receiving an award because he has epilepsy.
“To show what they have gone through and what they have battled through, to me that’s really indicative of what the award should be about,” Rolle said while sitting outside his south Florida home one afternoon last month. “At the same time, I appreciate receiving it because it makes me know that my teammates respect me a whole lot for the effort I tried to put in last year.”
Having educated himself about epilepsy, Rolle now knows he had shown symptoms for nearly two years.
He also understands that his status as a professional athlete gives him a certain responsibility for helping others similarly afflicted. Rolle said his foundation will start working with organizations dealing with epilepsy.
Among the letters, cards and e-mails offering support, it was a T-shirt sent to Rolle that has made the biggest impact on the former Pro Bowler. He hung it in his locker at the team’s training complex in Owings Mills.
It reads, “Don’t discriminate against people with epilepsy.”
Said Danisha Rolle: “So many fans have written in to say, ‘I have epilepsy and to hear your story has been tremendous. Thank you so much for coming out,’ because there are people who have epilepsy that just don’t want to say it. There’s a stigma still.”
Rolle’s willingness to make his battle public is a much different stance from when it first occurred. The team announced Rolle was out because of an undisclosed “medical condition.” While it took more than two months for Rolle to speak publicly about his condition, he quietly told a couple of reporters off the record that he had suffered a seizure.
He quickly realized he needed to get the facts out.
“My wife, my parents and I would read things on the Internet. There’d be all this speculation about what I had,” Rolle said. “At that point, there was no purpose in hiding it. Honestly, I’ve felt better since I came out publicly. I get letters constantly. It lets you know that you’re supported out there. I also never realized how much my life would change.”
Rolle and Danisha have begun to educate their two oldest children, daughter Samara, 8, and son Jamir, 3, about his condition. The Rolles also have another daughter, Amari, 20 months.
“We’re kind of letting them know in bits and pieces,” said Danisha Rolle, who is publishing SET (Sports and Entertainment Today). “Now it’s to the point where my 3-year old will say, ‘Daddy, are you OK? Daddy, how are you feeling today?”’
Rolle said the initial fears of an unknown, unpredictable and seemingly unrelenting opponent raised doubts about whether he could continue his 10-year NFL career.
Those thoughts escalated when Rolle, who after being treated initially for a few weeks played against the St. Louis Rams and Buffalo, was hit with the third seizure while sleeping at home one night in late October.
“That’s the first time when I really wavered,” Rolle recalled. “Did I really want to keep playing? I said to myself that I did everything they asked me to, all the medicine, and it’s still not under control.”
Danisha Rolle was awakened, and though she knew what was going on, it still startled her. Though her husband hasn’t had a seizure since, it’s just part of what she and her family go through every day.
“It’s really frightening,” she said last week. “No seizure gets easier to deal with. Each one is just hard. You have a loss of control. You just don’t know what happens. Whether it happens the third, fourth or 20th time, it’s not easy to deal with.”
It took another couple of weeks and a stronger regimen of anti-seizure medication for Rolle even to think about playing. Had the Ravens not been facing New England Patriots and Indianapolis Colts in back-to-back weeks in early December, Rolle said he might have quit right then.
“I didn’t want to endanger myself not knowing what the repercussions could be,” he said. “Even though the doctors cleared me, it didn’t make sense to why I had another seizure. My family didn’t want me to play at the beginning. Once the doctors cleared me, everyone’s embraced it now.”
Danisha Rolle, who met her husband when she was a student at Florida A&M and he played at Florida State, still has fears about whether her husband can have a normal life 20 years from now. But they are not raised by the onset of epilepsy as much as the havoc a violent game can cause to any player’s body.
“I feel strongly that there are so many things he can do after 10 years, but at the same time I think he needs to be able to make the decision for himself, walk away on his terms when he’s ready, with no regrets,” she said.
Rolle, who now has a driver to transport him when his wife is unavailable, has gained an appreciation for what he had before the epilepsy struck.
“You miss being able to get up in the offseason and drive your kids to school, being able to drive to work and that sort of thing,” Rolle said. “I sit in the back of the car and don’t say anything and just imagine things. It’s really weird.
“But I’m not complaining. The doctor told me he has one patient who has up to 15 seizures a day. When he told me that, I thought about it and it was like, ‘And I’m complaining?’ I don’t complain anymore because it could be much worse.”
Grace Rolle has learned at least three relatives from different generations have suffered epileptic seizures, a common trait of the disorder.
Rolle takes 42 pills a week, and has been told by doctors that if he follows the treatment for five years, the risk of recurring seizures will be greatly reduced. There is no cure for epilepsy.
“It’s made me appreciate a lot of things more. Especially football,” Rolle said.
Until last season, Rolle was considered one of the most durable cornerbacks in the NFL. He missed just 12 games in his first nine years, the last three spent with the Ravens after starting his career in Tennessee. He earned a trip to the Pro Bowl in 2000.
Though Rolle’s performance slipped in 2006, last season’s performance proved something, even to himself.
“Being that I played against the Rams, Buffalo, San Diego and the Patriots with epilepsy, I think I showed I can still play,” Rolle said. “I’m not worried about that. My goal is to finish my career with a ring and helping my team whatever way possible.”
Dr. Julian Bailes, a nationally renowned brain surgeon at West Virginia University who has served as medical director for The Center for the Study of Retired Athletes, which has looked into post-concussion syndrome among former NFL players, said Rolle is at no added risk continuing to play with epilepsy.
“If it’s under control, that doesn’t mean they can’t play,” Bailes said last week.
Rolle, whose 2007 season ended after he suffered a shoulder injury in practice before the Indianapolis Colts game and later underwent surgery to repair a torn labrum, is looking forward to next season with a new coach, John Harbaugh, and his old defensive coordinator, Rex Ryan.
“The hunger is definitely there,” said Rolle, who is expected to be a full-time starter next season. “I got to meet Coach Harbaugh. I like him. It was refreshing walking in the building. It was almost like you’re going to a new team. I’m excited about that, also.”
But one fear remains, coming from an opponent that can blindside him at any moment.
“I say my one fear is having one on the field, because I don’t know when it could trigger, when it could happen,” he said. “I’ve dealt with other injuries before. One thing is that honestly you can’t be scared. I don’t play with that fear, but deep down inside that’s my biggest fear.”
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