The Closer takes Tips’ loss hard

THE LINEUP

A look at the top sports stories in today’s edition of The Herald:

1. Fire the coach, the GM, and get rid of the players

After 14 consecutive wins, the Silvertips were beaten by one of their own Wednesday night. Longtime Tip Kyle Beach scored the game-winning goal in Spokane’s 2-1 win over Everett, which led to the inevitable question about who’s to blame. What are the Tips thinking, getting rid of this guy? It’s an organ-eye-zation in turmoil. I swear, if they lose another game, The Closer’s moving to Kootenay.

2. These guys are so good that Jake Locker has been demoted to fifth string

The annual gush-fest known as Signing Day was on display Wednesday, when the UW football team claimed to have the next Joe Montana, a Terrell Owens clone and an offensive lineman who could be a top-five NFL draft pick. We’d love to tell you that they got another Tim Tebow, but coach Steve Sarkisian has led us to believe that even he wouldn’t have been good enough for this class.

3. Claustrophobia taking over Comcast Arena

Several members of the Everett Stealth professional lacrosse team are still adjusting to playing indoors. That might also be what’s ailing the New Jersey Nets.

4. Judge Judy told them she never wanted to see them in her court again

The Mariners wrapped up their final arbitration-eligible player by signing Casey Kotchman to a $3.5 million deal. That’s about $400,000 less than Kotchman wanted, and $400,000 more than the M’s were hoping to pay. If The Herald gave The Closer a $400,000 pay raise, I’d be making — let me do the math here — $400,000 annually.

5. Huskies roll out the red carpet for rematch with Arizona schools

The UW men looked parched in the desert less than a month ago, but now the Huskies get their shot at revenge. Of course, the Huskies would looked parched in a vat of Gatorade if it was outside the Seattle city limits.

THE WARMUP PITCH

Carroll and Sark are in Seattle, but L.A. has already forgotten them

Pete Carroll’s decision to head north was supposed to be the beginning of the end for USC football. Not so, says Rivals.com. The recruiting Web site ranks USC’s as the best class in the country. Apparently, Rivals was including new coach Lane Kiffin’s wife as part of the Trojans’ incoming class.

In case you forgot, Phil Mickelson isn’t the only cheater on the PGA Tour

The biggest name in sports is about to return to the links, according to a report out of the land Down Under. An Aussie newspaper is reporting that Tiger Woods will return in a “fortnight.” Americans heard the news, nodded their heads, then scrambled to get on Thomas Jefferson’s Facebook page and ask him what the devil a “fortnight” is.

As long as it’s not DB9, everything’s all right on Bourbon Street

In any other week, news that All-Star guard Chris “CP3” Paul is undergoing knee surgery today would be cause for panic in New Orleans. But this week, the Hornets’ guard could probably get traded to the Lakers for Adam Morrison and not get noticed. The only injury that has NOLA’s attention this week is Dwight Freeney’s voodoo ankle.

And they were about to send all the No. 1s to the Pac-10

The Kansas Jayhawks did something no No. 1 team has been able to do in three weeks: they lived up to their ranking by winning a game. It certainly wasn’t pretty, but at least the Jayhawks didn’t go the route of Kentucky, Texas and, well, Kansas the first time. Nobody wants the No. 1 ranking right about now, and the Washington Huskies are in great shape in that regard.

CURVE BALLS

The wild and wacky news from the world of sports …

In Seattle, they call it the Jim Mora error

This headline certainly grabbed our attention. Former coach Jim Mora is being lauded for his work with both the Saints and Colts. The Saints and Colts, incidentally, thanked the other Jim Mora for not working with them.

Sports media’s annual exercise of wagging the dog

The media-covering-media angle was back Wednesday at the Super Bowl. That’s because it was Media Day in Miami. The annual Look At Me Day was, as always, over-reported and under-important. But at least we didn’t have to hear anymore about how much Peyton loves Drew. Oh wait.

Thirty years later, they’re still dancing … only with walkers now

Among the most anticipated Super Bowl ads is one that features the 1985 Bears re-enacting the Super Bowl Shuffle. We’d love to make fun of Chicago for living in the past, but Seattleites have had to wait more than 30 years since we celebrated a title. Unless you count the Storm. Or the title of Most Costly Flags in a Big Game.

THE RUNDOWN

Earlier this week, the NFL tried to claim trademark infringement on the “Who Dat” phrase. God Goodell eventually dropped the whole thing, but it did get us thinking. What would be some good trademarks that should be exclusive to their original owner?

5. Randy Johnson’s long mullet: The Vikings’ Jared Allen is trying to steal that one, but we think it’s best left in the past. Or in Marysville, anyway.

4. Brett Favre’s season-enders: Scott Norwood, Byung-Hyun Kim and Chris Webber have gone out on sour notes, but Favre is a legend when it comes to ending with a thud. If Favre decides to come back for one more year, the Vikings might be wise to bench him on the final play of the season.

3. Shaun Alexander’s backfield slides: The only running back who did the quarterback slide while pointed the wrong direction. But he’s all-decade, right?

2. Tom Cable’s motivational ploys: If nothing else, his assistants don’t talk back anymore.

1. Mark McGwire’s apologies: Attention Bret Boone: the I-took-steroids-but-it-didn’t-make-me-a-better-player excuse has already been tried. Didn’t go that well.

Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com,