A 15-year-old girl steps off the school bus. She pulls an iPod out of her backpack, plugs in the earphones and moseys on towards home. Forget for a moment that crossing the street she was nearly hit by a car — because, one, she couldn’t hear it coming and, two, she simply wasn’t paying attention.
Her behavior alerts everyone around her that she’s oblivious to her surroundings, and her iPod beckons predators like moths to a flame.
“A couple of guys could pull along side her in a van, slide open the door and grab her — end of story,” said Larry Kaminer, president of f.e.m.m.eSafety inc., Practical Safety Training for Women. “I tailed a college-aged girl one day for 60 or 70 seconds. She was listening to an iPod, and I was right on top of her. When I came up alongside her, she looked at me and smiled, like ‘Oh, I’ve never seen you before.’”
Kaminer, who’s leading a mother and daughter safety training in Mill Creek on Saturday, Jan. 19, says it’s frightening how people go about their daily activities as if nothing bad could ever happen to them.
“They’re the people who know it’s bad to text someone while driving on an icy road, in a blizzard in the middle of the night, but they can do it because their skills are somehow superior to everyone else’s,” Kaminer said. “They have this optimistic mindset that bad things only happen to other people.”
Kaminer’s mission is to reprogram women’s approach to safety — emphasizing strategic thinking and observation over pepper spray and martial arts.
Born and raised in Johannesburg, South Africa, the father of two teenage daughters has witnessed and experienced violence more brutal than most Americans can begin to fathom.
Kaminer’s business partners share similar backgrounds, having witnessed violence as children in Third World countries or as soldiers on the battle field.
F.e.m.m.eSafety was born from a casual conversation over drinks — an observation that women in the area had little or no access to avoidance-based self-defense training.
“Sure, you can carry a gun or pepper spray; you can get a black belt in Karate,” Kaminer said. “If you’re resorting to those techniques, however, your attacker is just a foot or so away. Is that your strategy of defense, to wait until someone is right on top of you and then react?”
Kaminer and his colleagues tout avoidance as the most effective weapon in self defense.
It’s nothing you haven’t heard before — stick to well lit, busy streets and gathering places, use the buddy system, be aware of your surroundings and follow your instincts.
“If you get a bad vibe from someone, tell your friends or get to a place where there are lots of people,” Kaminer said. “You wouldn’t believe how many people are afraid of being rude.”
More surprising than that is the fear among many women that asking someone to walk them to the car or accompany them on an evening jog will make them look silly or stupid.
A huge percent of crimes against girls and women would be prevented every year if the victims weren’t alone, Kaminer said.
“Men are the culprits here,” he added. “That’s why it’s important, I think, for women to hear this advice from a man.”
Kaminer believes the mother and daughter training is effective because it fosters a level of accountability. Moms tend to become the enforcers, ensuring their high school and college age daughters are following the program.
“It’s harder to ignore our advice when your mom is calling you on Friday night to make sure you’re using the buddy system, that you’re not going to a party by yourself,” Kaminer said. “We have a huge problem with young women thinking nothing will ever happen to them on a peaceful, beautiful college campus. In fact, this is the time in their lives that they are most vulnerable to attack.”
Kaminer wishes self defense training was mandatory in public schools, suggesting more crimes could be prevented if people learned to protect themselves from an early age.
“Why do we wait so long to talk to our children about self defense,” he asked. “They grow up with this false sense of security, and it’s hard to shake that. Often times, people don’t realize the need, until they’ve been a victim.”
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