Dawgs, Turkeys and a day at the Beach

TODAY’S LINEUP

A daily look at the top stories in this morning’s edition of The Herald

We win in the end because he’s the one who has to live in Spokane

Former Silvertips star Kyle Beach is back in town to face his former team, and this time the only cowbell ringing will come when he gets his bell rung.

Raising OCD adults one student at a time

Local high school teams are trying to be proactive when it comes to the flu this winter season. The Closer suggests the best way to keep from feeling ill is to stay away from Sunday’s Seahawks-Rams game.

Losing is not an option … unless it’s Sunday afternoon

The struggling Seahawks are trying not to get used to losing, Mark Mangino is trying not to get used to being fat, and Britney Spears is trying not to get used to lip-synching.

Huskies get a head start on Thanksgiving Turkey pursuit

The University of Washington had to go all the way to Turkey, via Las Vegas, via Southern California, to find its next recruit. The last time UW went the turkey route, Rick Neuheisel was hired as head football coach.

An argument for letting college games finish in a tie

Huskies kicker Erik Folk missed last year’s Apple Cup while nursing a hip injury, forcing him to watch as WSU’s Nico Grasu hit the game-winning field goal in overtime. This time around, Grasu is the injured one, and Folk is hoping to be the hero. If he really wants to be a hero, Folk will file his transfer papers and be on the field for Central Washington in time for Saturday’s playoff game.

THE WARMUP PITCH

He hears there may be an opening somewhere between Tacoma and Everett

Mike Holmgren has turned down the Buffalo Bills, citing his desire to pursue other jobs. Holmgren joined Marty Schottenheimer and Bill Cowher on the Bills’ thanks-but-no-thanks list. The only person still in the running is Mike Shanahan, who has been impressed by the quality of Buffalo tanning booths and, in a pinch, could always coat his face with wing sauce.

Fighting? And drinking? The Irish wouldn’t have it any other way

Notre Dame is quickly becoming The Closer’s favorite target. Quarterback Jimmy Clausen has a black eye, coach Charlie Weis has a steaming behind, and the only questions reporters are allowed to ask this week begin and end with the word ‘Stanford.’ Forget the Cardinal; we want to hear more about Clausen getting jumped by a “fan.” With friends like these, who needs 160-pound linebackers from Navy?

The ballots had only one name, and it was already punched

In the least surprising news of the day (not including Steve Sarkisian’s bombshell that the Huskies and Cougars would prefer to throw the records out this week), Albert Pujols was named NL most valuable player. The Herald’s Kirby Arnold, a known Cardinals fan, reportedly voted Pujols first, Pujols second and Ozzie Smith third.

Carolina has nothing on the Evergreen State when it comes to basketball

The faces change, but the results stay the same for the Gonzaga basketball team. The Bulldogs won again Tuesday night and stand one game from raising the Maui Invitational trophy. Washington’s three main schools are a combined 11-1 this season. As for football? There’s only one team in this state, and it certainly ain’t the Seahawks.

She got game … and two chipped fingernails

Freshman sensation Brittney Griner dunked in the early moments of Baylor’s 104-45 win over Jacksonville State on Tuesday night. Rumor has it that Bill Belichick called the Baylor coach and scolded him for not shooting more 3-pointers down the stretch.

CURVE BALLS

The wild and wacky news from the world of sports …

The Seahawks’ problem is the players are all over the hill

The Bullpen isn’t in the market of unearthing future stars, but these two kids — and we do mean KIDS — are certainly in the running for first kindergartener picked at recess. Linebacker Nyrel Sevilla has more pop than a Coke machine, while quarterback Harrison Bailey throws better than anyone the 49ers have had since Steve Young. (By the way, is it just me, or is the guy who Sevilla de-cleats look like Justin Forsett against the Vikings?)

He never gave USC’s Trojans this much competition

The Cincinnati Bengals’ most famous receiver might as well change his name to Chad Muchomarketer. The Ocho One is at it again, only this time he’s trying to sell … His new product is … He’s going into the business of … Let’s just say the player who used to be known as Chad Johnson has become an expert on protection — and we’re not talking about Carson Palmer’s blind side.

Finally! Squeaky-clean Brockman does something illegal

The praise doesn’t get much higher than this. OK, maybe it could get three inches higher. Anyway, Sacramento Kings coach Paul Westphal said recently that if Jon Brockman were a three inches taller, “he’d be illegal, he’s so good.” The King of Snohomish avoided future jail time by reminding his coach: “I’m not going to grow any.” Yeah? Wish we could say the same for Clay Bennett’s nose.

A reason to cast a vote for Jim Mora as NBA coach of the year

The Daily Oklahoman has crunched some numbers and discovered that eight of the past 10 NBA coach-of-the-year winners have since been fired. What the article doesn’t tell you is that eight of the last 10 coaches to coach Allen Iverson have taken up drinking.

Yeah, but they’re REALLY good at cross country and softball

A national columnist who has yet to realize that the faux-hawk is two years out of style has just realized that the Pac-10 is overmatched in men’s basketball this season. Next, he’s going to write a column about the NFC West lacking playoff contenders.

THE RUNDOWN

The Apple Cup is here again … and the state of Washington couldn’t possibly be more embarrassed. The way The Closer sees it, there are only five rivalries more pathetic than UW-WSU:

5. Knicks vs. Nets: The two teams closest to Rucker Park are a combined 3-25 this season. The best NBA news to come out of the greater New York area was that the Knicks WEREN’T going to sign Allen Iverson. But Stephon Marbury invited him to sit courtside.

4. 49ers vs. Rams: This one goes back to the days of the SoCal-NorCal rivalry. Now it’s just an annual battle for second place. In the NFC West. And that means, first team to win five games wins.

3. Duke vs. Carolina: No, silly. Not basketball. We’re talking football here. The Blue Devils and Tar Heels have so little tradition on the gridiron that it might as well be a baby-blue powder-puff game.

2. Jimmy Clausen vs. The Heckler: This one-sided fight came down to a cheap shot well after the whistle. It also gave the school a new nickname: The In-fighting Irish.

1. Road Runner vs. Wile E. Coyote: It’s been almost three years, and still the persistent pursuer can’t catch the scrappy frontrunner. But enough about the Apple Cup rivalry … ba-da-boom!