Everywhere you look there’s another aching shoulder

TODAY’S LINEUP

A look at the top sports stories in today’s edition of The Herald

1. If Seattle got Rich Harden … to play football

Oft-injured Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck was sidelined by a tight shoulder Wednesday. He’s still expected to play Sunday, although it’s just as likely that he’ll be out due to what the team is calling a broken blind side.

2. At least they’ve got Felix (until the trading deadline, anyway)

Baseball’s Matt Hasselbeck, oft-injured pitcher Rich Harden, spurned the Mariners in favor of the Texas Rangers. If that means Carlos Silva is back in the rotation, The Closer is moving to Texas.

3. If you disagree, go ahead and tell them to their face

The Herald is calling the Wesco North the best wrestling conference in the state, and The Closer agrees if that means none of those Lake Stevens and Snohomish kids will put him in a double arm-bar.

4. With a name like this, it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle

Seahawks tight end John Carlson has been rather quiet as of late. Then again, Carlson is quiet by nature. The next time he tells a QB to throw him the damn ball will also be the next time Kobe Bryant spends 48 minutes setting screens.

5. The other side of having Scott Boras for an agent

Former M’s third baseman Adrian Beltre may have priced himself out of the market. Agent Scott Boras is hoping to remedy this by changing Adrian’s last name to Gonzalez and ordering him to wear a Padres hat to interviews.

THE WARMUP PITCH

The guy who has to break up all those Calhoun-Auriemma fights

Notre Dame has yet another coaching candidate to replace Charlie Weis. UConn’s Randy Edsall has emerged, joining Cincinnati’s Brian Kelly. The team cook said he’s fine with either choice, as long as Mark Mangino isn’t in the mix.

Tony Bennett and Austin Daye … we hardly knew ya

WSU and Gonzaga continue to roll in men’s college basketball. The Cougars continued to ride super-soph Klay Thompson, while the Zags took a break from their tough schedule by dismantling Augustana. Incidentally, the Augustana coach said after the game that he doesn’t like the term “mid-minor.”

Four reasons Kansas won’t win the national title: W-A-L-L

Super freshman John Wall and his Kentucky teammates pulled out another win over a top-15 team on Wednesday night, proving again that Wall is one of the best players in the country. Even more impressive is the fact that Wall hasn’t gotten John Calipari in trouble yet.

That’s roughly 389,000 pesos

Bengals wide receiver Chad Nohabloespanol was fined again, this time for wearing a sombrero on the sidelines. Somewhere in Mexico, there’s a professional athlete who got fined for wearing a Bengals jersey and a dunce cap.

Meanwhile, Horacio Ramirez is just happy to be getting a salary

In a salary-cutting move, the Atlanta Braves are about to trade former M’s reliever Rafael Soriano to Tampa Bay. Bill Bavasi said the deal would’ve been better for Atlanta had the Braves thrown in five of their top prospects.

You’re better off watching Dr. Phil

Two of the NFL’s worst teams go to battle tonight, and Seahawks fans couldn’t be happier than to find out that one of them is the Pittsburgh Steelers. And the Steelers’ fall from grace can’t be blamed on lime-green jerseys.

CURVE BALLS

The wild and wacky news from the world of sports …

It’s easier to inscribe the name Toby than it is Ndamukong

One West Coast columnist is pushing for Stanford’s Toby Gerhart to win the Heisman this weekend. The detractors point out that Gerhart played against soft Pac-10 defenses, to which UW defensive coordinator Nick Holt replied: “Are you kidding me?! We held him to 250!”

Another fumble near the goal line

Country singer Carrie Underwood said that Cowboys QB Tony Romo “did me wrong.” Rumor has it that the relationship was going great until things fell apart in December and the postseason.

The Spin Doctors aren’t headlining Madison Square Garden anymore, either

The agent for former slugger — and we can call him that now — Barry Bonds has announced that the Sultan of HGH has officially hung up his needle … er, bat. Turns out Bonds is announcing his retirement about two years after Major League Baseball did.

THE RUNDOWN

Kentucky’s John Wall is the latest freshman to take college basketball by storm. Here are five other fab frosh who captured our imagination over the years:

5. Derrick Rose: John Calipari’s last super-freshman took his team all the way to the NCAA final. Too bad he couldn’t teach his Memphis teammates how to shoot free throws.

4. Pervis Ellison: In addition to having the best nickname in sports, “Never Nervous” was the star of the 1986 Final Four. Four is also about how many productive games he had after being the No. 1 overall pick in the NBA draft a couple years later.

3. Kevin Durant: Just the name makes The Closer want to fly to OKC with a blindfold, rope and a ransom note.

2. Allen Iverson: There was so much hype surrounding this kid — on and off the court — that basketball fans were half expecting to see Michael Jordan in prison coveralls when he entered Georgetown in 1995. He was even more exciting than we expected.

1. Chris Webber: He was the fabbest of the Fab Five. Michigan’s stellar group of freshmen changed basketball … for better or worse.

Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com.