Teresa Holmes is excited that her son Ryan Holmes starts middle school in a few weeks. She’s also a little scared.
“There’s always the scary things you hear about bullying and drugs – but hopefully we’ve raised him well and he continues to make good choices,” Teresa said.
The fact that Ryan will have six teachers and six classes at Einstein Middle School, and more homework to keep track of, also gives pause.
“It’s a little bit of the unknown,” Teresa said. “Though excited, we’re thinking it will be really different.”
Many parents have some angst when their child enters middle school, said Gayle McDougall-Treacy, family advocate at Kellogg Middle School and Shorecrest High School. McDougall-Treacy co-teaches a workshop each spring called “Am I Ready to Be a Middle School Parent?”
“I think parents always have anxiety about transitions – not heavy anxiety but more like, ‘Oh, they’re growing up,’” McDougall-Treacy said.
Some parents worry about the transition to multiple teachers and a bigger school. Some worry about drugs and other bad influences.
“We talk (in the workshop) about things that we as parents are real scared about when our kids enter middle school – drugs, sex and rock ‘n’ roll,” McDougall-Treacy said. “But we talk about it in terms of the reality of that.”
McDougall-Treacy shows parents a student survey where the percent of Shoreline middle school students who said they smoke, do drugs or drink is lower than one might think, she said. (See sidebar.)
Kathy Ducey, whose daughter Katelyn Ducey will start Einstein Middle School in the fall, isn’t worried about the transition. She was when her son, Ian Ducey, started middle school because it was a new environment, but not now.
“As a parent you feel like, ‘OK, they’re starting to step away,’ which is normal,” Kathy said. “But they’re not old enough to do it on their own, so you still want to be involved.” She’s done that by being active in the school’s PTA.
“Kids need just as much supervision and parenting as they did when they were younger but it looks different,” said McDougall-Treacy. “As adults we are transitioning from a hands-on parenting role to – by the time they are young adults – more of a consulting role.”
The adolescent brain is wired to take risks – that’s important to their development, she added. The key is to direct children to healthy risks – like trying out for a sports team – rather than unhealthy ones, she said.
Wes Brandon, whose son is starting Einstein Middle School, said it’s time for him to move on. In the Shoreline School District, middle school is grades 7 and 8, so some elementary school sixth-graders can be noticeably bigger and more mature than their littler schoolmates.
“Some of the girls were just a little more emotionally sophisticated and starting to think about boys and dating,” Brandon said.
He described the girls sitting on the lawn and giggling when boys walked by. Some were a head taller, too.
His own son has had a growth spurt and was getting somewhat bored with elementary school, Brandon said.
There’s no real rite of passage for adolescents in the U.S., he said – middle school is about as close as it gets.
Brandon has talked with other parents about how tight knit elementary schools can be – how children know their classmates in a stable community. To get thrown into middle school is to be part of a much larger pot, with 50 percent turnover each year as eighth-graders move on and new sixth-graders come in.
“To me it’s a fascinating experience,” Brandon said.
There are other transitions that might scare parents even more.
“Now I have to deal with high school,” said Kathy Ducey, whose son starts this fall. “I’m a little more nervous.”
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