TODAY’S LINEUP
A look at the top sports stories in today’s edition of The Herald:
1. He can steal basses, but can he hit hom runes?
The oddly named Chone (pronounced Shawn) Figgins signed with the Mariners, although it’s still unclear whether he’ll play third base (pronounced BAY-ss) or second (pronounced SECK-und). The deal was announced by Jack Zduriencik (you’re on your own).
2. Run, Jake, run (just not off the UW campus, or university police will arrest you)
Huskies quarterback Jake Locker dipped his toe in the NFL pool but has yet to announce whether he intends to go pro. A “very optimistic” Steve Sarkisian said he won’t push Locker one way or the other. Former Husky Hugh Millen, an unabashed Locker-lover, was seen standing on a ledge outside Jake’s dorm room threatening to jump unless he comes back.
3. And Tiger’s marriage is better than it was yesterday
Our John Boyle crunched some numbers and found that the Seahawks are slightly improved from the 4-12 unit that took the field in 2008. At this rate, they’re on pace to host Tampa Bay in the 2025 NFC Championship game.
4. Silvertips shooting blanks at the Events Center
The Everett Silvertips out-shot Portland 47-28 Tuesday night but couldn’t come up with the win. We haven’t seen anyone miss this many shots since … well, the last time Isaiah Thomas played a game for the UW basketball team.
5. Welcome back, now please sit on this hot plate
WSU athletic director Jim Sterk welcomed back football coach Paul Wulff with … well, “open arms” might be a bit strong. Wulff was told that the team needs to show improvement next fall, which was great news for the third-year coach, who plans on losing his games by just 29 points next fall.
THE WARMUP PITCH
We’ve finally found a reason to hate Curtis Granderson
Outfielder Curtis Granderson, who is apparently an even better guy off the field than he is off of it, just became Enemy No. 1 for everyone west of Vinny’s Pizzeria. The former Tigers outfielder was dealt to the Yankees in a three-way trade with Arizona. Whoever Detroit got in the trade was just happy to be a Tiger: “Does that mean I get nine mistresses?”
The other candidates included an O’Malley, a Flynn and two McHales
The aptly-named Brian Kelly appears to be at the top of the Irish’s wish list, although it’s still unclear whether he is Notre Dame’s head football coach yet. All we know is that D-I coaches named Kelly went 22-2 this year, which is 16 more wins than the names Weis, Willingham and Davey combined.
How about a rematch with Belmont instead?
Washington’s next men’s basketball opponent, the 15th-ranked Georgetown Hoyas, looked pretty impressive in dispatching Butler on Tuesday night. The Huskies and Hoyas play at the John Wooden Classic this Saturday morning, and Lorenzo Romar has already looked into having Wooden sit next to him for advice during the game.
Hey, at least it wasn’t Santa Claus
That collective boo you heard from the east was Philly fans getting word that Andy Reid had his contract extended. The sigh you heard came from next few teams lined up to face the Iggles in future NFC Championship games.
The best-looking kid since The Closer
Gisele Bunchen and Tom Brady had a baby boy this week, which doesn’t necessarily interest sports fans as much as it does fathers. If The Closer had a baby girl right now, he’d be putting anti-Brady-baby gates around his fortress.
CURVE BALLS
The wild and wacky news from the world of sports …
The only thing better than Hostess Twinkies
Lane Kiffin’s program is in trouble again. This time, Tennessee football is being accused of using hostesses to lure recruits. The Vols lost a game to UCLA last season and finished 4-4 in the SEC, which leads to the inevitable question: was Pat Summitt one of these so-called “hostesses”?
The road from Pullman to Prosser must have been buried under snow
CBS Sportsline put out its college All-America team today, and only one Pac-10 player made the list. What was even more alarming was that the first-team quarterback wasn’t named Tebow or McCoy or even Locker. It was Prosser’s own Kellen Moore, whom both the Huskies and Cougars virtually ignored in recruiting.
Is ‘roid rage a generational trait?
Remember Nikolai Bonds, that cute little kid who greeted father Barry at home plate 73 times during that record-breaking season? Well, his relationship with his other parent isn’t quite as cutesy-dootsy. Nikolai was arrested after allegedly spitting in his mom’s face and throwing a doorknob at her. Unlike any of the pitches Barry Bonds saw over the final few years of his career, the doorknob was actually within the strike zone.
The feistiest girl on skates since Tonya Harding
This girl isn’t afraid to drop gloves on the ice. During a Pennsylvania high school hockey game, a couple guys tried to rough up a female player and had some bruises to show for it. Nikolai Bonds has already Facebook-ed her.
THE RUNDOWN
Will he stay, or will he go? Now that Jake Locker has floated his name in NFL circles, the city is all amok about whether he’d be wise to turn pro. The Closer has five pieces of evidence that prove coming back for your senior year isn’t always the wisest decision:
5. Michael Bush: The Louisville running back might have been a top-10 pick had he come out as a junior. Instead, he went back to U of L, broke his leg, and got drafted in the fourth round. Adding insult to injury, he got picked by the Oakland Raiders.
4. Jeremy Pargo: He tested the NBA waters after his junior season but was deemed only a late first-round pick. Then the Gonzaga point guard spent most of his senior year trying to prove he was an NBA talent. He wasn’t. And he didn’t get drafted.
3. Chris Simms: The second-generation quarterback thought returning to Texas would be the best thing for him, even though he had a huge junior year. Instead of being a first-round pick, he went in Round 3.
2. Paul Davis: Never heard of him? You’re not alone. Once a promising NBA prospect at Michigan State, the 6-foot-10 forward might have been a lottery pick had he come out after his sophomore or junior season. Instead, he played four years, exposed plenty of flaws, dropped into the middle of Round 2, and quickly flamed out in the NBA.
1. Matt Leinart: Hard to say that being the 10th overall pick was a disappointment, but this former Heisman winner would’ve been the No. 1 overall selection — and made millions more dollars — had he come out after his junior season. The biggest losers in this decision? The Arizona Cardinals.
Contact The Closer at inthebullpen.com.
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