TODAY’S LINEUP
A look at the top sports stories in today’s edition of The Herald:
1. Someone will be crying over spilled milk
The Seattle Seahawks and Houston Texans, who play each other Sunday, are both 5-7, but Herald writer John Boyle tells us there are two ways to look at those records. For the Seahawks, the glass appears half full, For the Texans, the glass is half empty. The Closer says that whoever loses Sunday, the contents of the glass are going to be dribbling down the front of their shirt.
2. Too good for their own good
The Everett Silvertips could be without their top three defensemen soon because all three have opportunities to represent their respective countries in upcoming international competitions. Of course, the Silvertips wouldn’t have this problem if they simply recruited and signed less talented players. If they don’t know how to do that, they can learn by studying the Seattle Seahawks’ recent draft record.
3. You mean he’s not a first baseman?
The Seattle Mariners left the winter meetings without pulling off the blockbuster deal many expected. The Closer did get excited for a couple hours when he heard the M’s acquired Texeira. Turns out it was a minor-league pitcher named Kanekoa Texeira. Let’s just hope the Mariners didn’t make the same mistake The Closer did.
4. A sight absolutely no one wants to see
The National Federation of High School Associations got a jump on the rest of the world by banning the use of full-body, high-tech swimsuits in high school meets ahead of the Jan. 1 deadline set by FINA, swimming’s governing body. The Closer is in favor of the ban but would like to see FINA do more. How about a decree that no man past the age of 25 can appear in public in a Speedo?
THE WARMUP PITCH
You can now get that fruit cake for 90 percent off
Baseball’s recent winter meetings ended with the top three free agents — John Lackey, Jason Bay and Matt Holliday — still unsigned. Apparently teams are waiting for prices to fall, which everyone knows happens the day after Christmas. Look for Adrian Beltre’s asking price to drop from “the moon, stars and $65 million over five years” to what he’s really worth — an ”Apollo 13” DVD, a map of the stars’ homes in Hollywood and $10 million over five years.
The heat in Pittsburgh isn’t coming from the steel mills
Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin vowed his 6-5 team would quit treading water and “unleash hell” on opponents in December. But after losses to the Oakland Raiders and the Cleveland Browns, the only ones suffering through a hellish December are the Steelers’ fans.
Hey, Vince, want to play a game of H-O-R-S-E?
Amanda Dunbar of Marysville recently hit 10 consecutive 3-point shots over three games for the Western Washington University women’s basketball team. For the season, she’s shooting 74 percent from 3-point range. Apparently that’s a higher percentage than NBA star Vince Carter shoots from point-blank range.
When I say “Kelly green” I’m talking about money
Notre Dame announced Thursday that Brian Kelly, who led Cincinnati to a 12-0 record this season, will be its next head football coach. The news angered at least one Cincinnati player. “He went for the money,” receiver Mardy Gilyard told The Associated Press. “I’m fairly disgusted with the situation.” Imagine that, a guy making a decision based on money. Consider that the first life lesson you’ve learned in college, Mardy.
This is truly March madness
The NCAA is thinking about expanding the field for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament by 32 teams. Not a good idea. The current 64-team bracket already gives the The Closer a headache and writer’s cramp that usually last into June. Besides, how is Rick Neuheisel ever going to get his UCLA football team prepared for next season if he has to spend time boning up on 32 more basketball teams?
CURVE BALLS
The wild and wacky news from the world of sports …
The VCR requests a blindfold
The latest YouTube sensation is a guy from Louisiana who paid off a bet by allowing a firing squad to “execute” his 60-inch television set after the New Orleans Saints beat Washington Redskins on Sunday. At 12-0, the Saints have a good chance to go undefeated through the NFL regular reason, which makes the Closer fear for the guy’s refrigerator, toaster and microwave. Word is the fridge is shivering (sorry, The Closer couldn’t resist that one)
Forget the BCS title coach, we want to go to the Sugar Bowl
If The Closer were a college football player, he would want to play in the 2010 Sugar Bowl. That’s because the Sugar Bowl is offering by far the best gift package this bowl season. Players from Cincinnati and Florida get electronics from Sony, Apple and Garmin along with a watch, a New Era cap, a backpack for their laptop and a recliner. On the other hand, SMU and Nevada, which play in the Hawaii Bowl, get nothing but a stinkin’ shirt. Then again, they are in Hawaii
THE RUNDOWN
While some fans were disappointed that the Mariners didn’t make a major deal at the winter meetings, The Closer says, hey, it could have been worse. Check out these glorious December deals that rank among the Mariners’ most horrendous trades of all time:
5. P Rafael Soriano to Atlanta for P Horacio Ramirez (2006): Note to future general managers, think twice about trading for a pitcher whose initials are HR.
4. SS Omar Vizquel to Cleveland for SS Felix Fermin and DH Reggie Jefferson (1993): Vizquel, a future Hall of Famer, is still playing. Fermin and Jefferson were pretty much done the day they arrived in Seattle.
3. P Mike Hampton to Houston for OF Eric Anthony (1993): Hampton went on to become a 20-game winner and an all-star. Anthony became an afterthought.
2. 1B Tino Martinez, P Jeff Nelson and P Jim Mecir to the Yankees for P Sterling Hitchcock and 3B Russ Davis (1995): The afterglow of the magical 1995 season officially wore off when the M’s traded away one of the game’s top young first basemen and one of its best setup men.
1. OF Adam Jones, P George Sherrill, P Chris Tillman, etc., to Baltimore for P Erik Bedard (2008): OK, this deal was actually done in February, but it was all but finalized in December. The five-player deal seemed horribly lopsided at the time, and is even more tilted now that Bedard is no longer in Seattle, Jones and Sherrill have become all-stars and Tillman has reached the big leagues.
Contact The Closer at inthebullpen.com.
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