Canine cologne? Don’t bite

Published 9:00 pm Sunday, August 20, 2006

Forget the scary four horsemen, here’s a true sign the apocalypse must be near:

Trying to capitalize on the fact that sales in America for pet services reached $2.4 billion in 2005 – up nearly 40 percent over the last five years – a company has come up with a line of beauty products for dogs. Because, you know, dogs are so insecure about their looks.

To quote the press release: “Enter Sexy Beast, a luxury dog brand that unites the pet and beauty industries to carve out an entirely new genre with its focus on beauty and maintenance to keep pets looking and smelling fresh day after day.”

Sexy Beast? Pets aren’t supposed to be sexy, for crying out loud. The line has four products, including the Signature Fragrance, which is $65 for a 3.4 oz. bottle. It is a blend of “bergamot and vanilla-infused musk with patchouli, mandarin and nutmeg oils.” Patchouli? Oh, for the bohemian Sexy Beast.

They forgot to ask the dogs, who prefer a tub o’ mud, some dead fish and secret stinky ingredients. They also prefer that you send whatever money you would spend on canine beauty products to your local animal shelter.