My true love gave to me/a debt that was something to see

Published 12:00 am Monday, November 26, 2007

It’s music to the credit-card company’s ears. An annual survey has found that it would cost more than $78,000 this year to buy your true love everything listed in the holiday carol “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”

Strangely, the carol leaves out the part about the thirteenth day of Christmas, when your true love receives a visit from the repo man.

However, the cost of buying all those gifts could be dramatically reduced with just a few small substitutions. For instance:

Five gold rings: $395.

Alternative: Onion rings, $5 or so per serving. Still golden, delicious with beer and less damaging to the fingers than wearing all that bling.

Nine ladies dancing: $4,759.

Alternative: 2008 “Dancing with the Stars” calendar, $13.57 per calendar on Amazon. With this gift, you’re guaranteed to see at least 12 performers, although some may not be ladies and others may not be dancers.

Twelve drummers drumming: $2,398.

Alternative: Twelve kids with pots and wooden spoons, free. Come to think of it, their parents might actually pay you for giving them an afternoon of silence.