This relationship could go up in smoke: Today Dear Abby prints a letter from a young woman asking advice about her long-distance relationship with a magician’s apprentice. Abby, unsurprisingly, seems a little skeptical. After all, she’s heard a lot of stories about men with tricks up their sleeves.

In an effort to find out what’s killing thousands of bats, scientists are donning hazmat suits and crawling deep into the animals’ caves. They’re vowing to solve the mystery — and then take up a new profession.