A little advice

Published 11:27 pm Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Dear Abby: Is my boyfriend a jerk? Yes, and you should dump him, Abby advises a woman who wrote in after her penny-pinching boyfriend gave her flowers for Valentine’s Day that were left over from a funeral.

Then, exhausted by yet another breach of human decency, Abby decided to call it a day and left us a couple letters to answer in her place.

Dear Buzz: I think my kids would behave better and love me more if I fed them something besides year-old cornflakes in chocolate milk for breakfast, but things are so hectic. What can I do?

— Hasty Pudding

Dear Hasty: Have you considered whipping up some pancakes with batter from a can? On days when you’re really crunched for time, you could just line the kids up and spray breakfast right into their mouths.

Dear Buzz: I live in a Brazilian city being invaded by snakes. They found a 10-foot anaconda at my neighbor’s house, and I live in a constant state of fear that mine will be next. Help!

— Cowering in the closet

Dear Cowering: Why not take a little vacation to help take your fears off your mind? We hear St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. By the time you’re done toasting him with green beer, you’ll have forgotten all about the snakes — and possibly your name and the location of your hotel.