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A bailout you can swallow

Published 10:03 pm Monday, December 22, 2008

By Jon Bauer, Herald staff

A little green on the nose: A San Francisco winery is selling Bailout 2007 for $39 a bottle. But if you buy it now, the winery will cut you a check for $2 for every 100 points the Dow Jones drops between now and Aug. 14. You’ll know it’s time to panic when you see Warren Buffett buying up hundreds of cases.

Oh, what fun it is to drive: Unless you were smart, surrendered to the weather and stayed home like one Tulalip-area family, you joined The Buzz and “The Ice Road Truckers” on the streets the last few days. When we weren’t gritting our teeth and clutching our St. Christopher medal, the following occurred to us:

  • The Buzz’s Law of Driving in Inclement Weather states: Anyone driving slower than you is a wimp. Anyone driving faster than you is an idiot. Used in a sentence: “Hold on, honey. I have to pass this wimp and get this idiot off my rear.”

  • Wives are not impressed when you switch the high beams on so the snow looks like stars zooming past the Millennium Falcon in “Star Wars.”

  • When shaking the slush and ice off tire chains, you can improve your mood by singing a stanza of “Jingle Bells.”

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