Don’t pack your bags, Blago

Published 10:54 pm Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Can’t do “The Apprentice”; he’s already fired: A judge in Illinois has denied a request by disgraced former Gov. Rod Blagojevich, D-Quid Pro Quo, to allow him to travel to Costa Rica so he can appear in NBC’s reality series, “I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!”

As a consolation, NBC is holding a spot open for Blagojevich in its new reality show, “I’m in Jail … Get Me The (Bleep) Out of Here!”

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Half-off all Britney Spears merchandise: Google reports that searches for online coupons now outnumber searches for the latest news on pop tart Britney Spears.

Here’s how to tell if you’re a pessimist or an optimist: A pessimist will see this as evidence that the economy really is as bad as we feared. An optimist will view it as proof of a jump in Americans’ overall intelligence.

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How Earthlike? Astronomers have identified a planet outside our solar system that could be enough like Earth to harbor life, Gliese 581 d.

But if you had any thoughts of ditching this world’s problems by moving to Gliese 581 d, don’t bother. Astronomers also picked up transmissions from GNN, the Gliesean News Network, with reports about rampant unemployment, tax protests and annoying celebrities.