Your post office needs you
Published 1:28 pm Wednesday, April 29, 2009
In order to save on transportation costs and improve service, the United States Postal Service is bringing back the Pony Express. OK, it’s not. But it is thinking of cutting out one day of mail delivery per week.
The post office announced last year that it did cut annual transportation costs by more than $5 million. What made this possible, CIO.com reported, is “a transportation-optimization system called HCAP (Highway Corridor Analytic Program), developed by the USPS and IBM using Ilog Cplex optimization software.” From there it gets all technical.
And that’s it for the good news.
Our post office, moving less mail in the face of rising costs, posted a $2.8 billion deficit last year. Postmaster General John E. Potter told Congress in January that figure could reach $6 billion or more this fiscal year, prompting the idea of delivering five days a week.
Total mail volume was 202 billion items last year (1 billion of which were Victoria’s Secret catalogues), more than 9 billion less than the year before, the largest single volume drop in history, the Associated Press reported.
We knew all those broken chain letters of yesteryear would finally wreak bad luck on the mail system. And at the same time, clog our e-mail inboxes. Curses!
If everyone would just do their civic duty, and write one letter a month, we can save this system. (We’ll check the math later.)
The post office is all over this idea, with a two-pronged approach: In its time-honored tradition, it will raise the cost of stamps next week, from 42 cents to 44 cents. At the same time, it is unveiling its latest specialty stamps, featuring characters from “The Simpsons” animated TV show, which marks its 20th anniversary this year. Not a bad idea. Who could resist putting a Homer or Bart stamp on their graduation announcement?
On its Web site, the Postal Service announces: “We are excited to celebrate ‘The Simpsons’ on postage stamps,” said U.S. Postal Service Executive Director of Stamp Services David Failor. “Eyebrow-raising to say the least, this witty, well-written pop icon continues to irreverently satire its parody of a middle-class family as it lampoons American culture.”
To irreverently satire its parody…? Perhaps there are possible money-saving moves in the press release-writing department.
If the post office can’t get its act together, we’ll let Homer Simpson, writing a letter in the “Bart the Lover” episode, speak for the group: “Dear Baby. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.”
