Snarky crows top mockers
Published 4:55 pm Thursday, May 21, 2009
Why was Alfred Hitchcock’s movie “The Birds” so scary? Because it was a documentary, as scientists are starting to piece together.
Researchers at the University of Florida have discovered that mockingbirds “rapidly learn to identify people who have previously threatened their nests and sounded alarms and even attacked those folks, while ignoring others nearby.”
“Duh,” quoth the raven.
“This shows a bird is much more perceptive of its environment than people had previously suspected,” said Douglas Levey, a professor in the zoology department of the University of Florida.
We don’t know about Florida mockingbirds, but here in the Northwest people have long been aware that crows are not only perceptive, they’re plotting a hostile takeover.
In the Florida study, 10 people approached 24 mockingbird nests, AP reported. For four days the same student would approach and touch a nest, and leave. The birds began reacting to them in advance starting on day three — fleeing the nest, sounding alarms and divebombing the researchers.
It took three days for the mockingbirds to recognize the person touching their nest? Our crows mock those Florida birds. And out-mock them, as they mock us, with that constant caw-caw-caw. Crows taunt, they harass and sass back. It takes crows three seconds to judge, classify and remember you, and your weaknesses.
Crows don’t need someone to touch their nest to perceive them as a threat. They are protective of a large territory. Crows will jeer at the offenders and follow them, noisily escorting them from the area, even if it means going the entire distance of a community college campus.
Once a crow identifies an offender, his or her picture is then posted on BeakBook, the crow’s online social networking site, for all crows to see, and mock. It’s not just people crows keep tabs on. Jolly dogs require special insulting; french-fry stealing squirrels need scolding; and it’s obligatory to remind seagulls that even though they’re the mascot of a local high school, they are dumber than rocks. While the crows favored a tougher WASL.
Crows aren’t intimidated by much. They will divebomb a man apparently for no reason other than to steal a lock of his glorious hair. For nest building or DNA testing? A memento? They will also peck the head of a man who no longer has hair, just because that’s their mocking nature. “What happened to that stylin’ comb-over?” they screech.
Human or avian, it’s a futile fight against a crow. Like when rappers battle, by the time a mockingbird landed a decent insult, it would be all over except the cawing.
