You better run for your life: Major League Baseball umpire Jim Joyce admitted he blew it when, in the ninth inning with two outs, he mistakenly called a runner safe, ruining a perfect game bid for Detroit pitcher Armando Galarraga.

Still stinging from criticism that he didn’t respond quickly enough to the Gulf oil spill, President Obama accepted responsibility for the federal response to the blown call and announced a full criminal investigation.

I want to hold your hand: Ted Haggard, the preacher who resigned from his megachurch in 2006 after a male prostitute said Haggard paid him for sex, says he plans to start a new church from his Colorado Springs, Colo., home. “I think we’re qualified to hold people’s hands,” he said.

Holding hands? OK. Back rubs and beyond? No.