Crushing the imagination
Published 11:40 am Monday, November 22, 2010
Forget to mute the television commercials and it’s guaranteed to get your grump on:
Union 76, which sells gas, has a campaign called “We’re on the driver’s side.” They know gas important, but they’re looking out for your total driving experience. Fine and dandy. But we still can’t determine if their commercial for a product called the “WhyStopper” is pretty good parody or a truly loathsome idea.
The commercial shows a harried couple in a car trying to cross freeway lanes while an alleged toddler in a carseat asks, “Why is grass green?” “What is gravity?” “Why is the sky blue?” The voice-over gravely intones: “This is a problem.” Meaning, how is dad ever going to merge with little Dylan trying to decode the universe with his incessant why-why-why questions.
The answer, naturally, is the “WhyStopper.” In the ad, dad hands mom his cell phone, she dials 1-888-WHY-STOP, and hands the phone to the child. The couple drives happily on while an automated voice tells Dylan that a platypus is a mammal and lays eggs, which doesn’t answer at all why the sky is blue. And does not anticipate lil’ Dyl’s next questions: What’s a platypus? What’s a mammal? What are lazy eggs?
In an age when minivans come equipped with DVD players, the “WhyStopper” is about as helpful as the vehicle’s automated GPS lady giving you the silent treatment. (“Did I ever hear thanks for that shortcut to the miniature railroad show? Harrumph.”)
A WhyStopper caller is greeted with a random recitation of unrelated facts, not a question and answer format. Apparently it’s never too early to start listening to automated information, the better to prepare for life on a phone. (Press 3 and then # if you’d like to hear dad’s voice, even if he is just saying, “Because I said so,” to all your inquiries while he drives.)
Yes, the “why” stage can be annoying. And enlightening, fascinating and hilarious. It’s so cool to witness a child’s growing brain absorbing absolutely everything it can. Telling kids (and ourselves) that their questions are a burden is so pathetic. Under the WhyStopper philosophy, no need to be listening when a child looks out a car window and says, “Look, mom, the moon is following us.”
If the WhyStopper wasn’t soul-crushing enough, there’s that ad featuring the monotone cover of The Beatles’ “All You Need is Love” to sell the BlackBerry, aka, “CrackBerry,” the best-selling “smartphone” in the universe. In every way imaginable, it represents the opposite of “All You Need is Love.”
CommericalStopper, please.
