Santa’s still watching, kids
Published 2:03 pm Monday, December 27, 2010
What’s making headlines in the waning days of 2009?
“Today’s kids connect with Santa through texts, tweets.” And Santa really knows who has been naughty or nice because he has installed Santa-spyware on all the kids’ electronic devices. And he can see through that bid to “friend” him.
“Seattle tops list of literate cities.” That’s No. 1 in the whole entire country. Of course, a city can’t literally be literate (that would be the citizens), but that’s the headline’s problem, not the city’s.
The list is based on criteria such as: newspaper circulation, number of bookstores, library resources and Internet resources. Seattle was first in bookstores per 10,000 population; first in educational achievement; third in Internet usage; fourth in library usage and 17th in newspaper readership.
We look forward to the Seattle Times taking advantage of the demise of all King County competition, and improving that No. 17 score.
“Vatican paper says ‘Simpsons’ are okely dokely.” Marking the 20th anniversary of “The Simpsons,” the “semi-official” Vatican paper L’Osservatore Romano (which last December declared John Lennon and the Beatles good) said despite crude language and violence, the show gets its blessing because, among other things, Homer’s religious confusion and ignorance are “a mirror of the indifference and the need that modern man feels toward faith.”
Do the show’s critics, who say the series jumped the shark years ago, need any more evidence that all subversiveness is long gone when the Vatican gives its approval? DOH! (Next December: L’Osservatore Romano gives The Fonz a thumbs up and declares him cool. Whoa. Aaay.)
“Health coverage mandate doesn’t guarantee compliance.” Some Americans report that despite any requirement, they’ll risk it and go without insurance. Of course they will. They’re likely the same people who choose to drive without auto insurance, so when they cause an accident, and are injured, they are twice uninsured, and the rest of us will pay for their medical care, just as we do now.
“Young Catholic priest wins $100,000 for church building fund in poker game.”
After years of perfecting his “Bingo face” during seminary, the Rev. Andrew Trapp entered the PokerStars.net Million Dollar Challenge in hopes of getting his church to its $5.5 million fund-raising goal. Before putting his skills to the test, Trapp checked with his pastor, who said, “go for it,” unaware that the correct response was “okely dokely.”
“Rodents close Pennsylvania Capitol cafeteria.” After four years without inspections, they simply found it unihabitable anymore and demanded a kitchen makeover.
Or, they had that private vermin-only holiday party scheduled and needed all humans out.
