Newest drink size: Painful
Published 12:01 am Monday, January 24, 2011
Let’s get right to the compelling news items of our life and times, or at least of last week, just crying out for comment:
•“Starbucks expanding rollout of 31-ounce drink size
221;: To be called the “Trenta Colonoscopy Preppa.”
“Seattle indie pop group Seapony: suddenly something”: A cool band is discovered, the Seattle Times reports. Might as well get on the bandwagon now. Because no matter the music, that name, Seapony, simply rocks.
“Seattle Genetics manager charged with insider trading”: The Securities and Exchange Commission has charged Zizhong Fan of Bothell with insider trading, alleging that a relative of his illegally made more than $800,000 in stock options on the success of the company’s lymphoma treatment trial, Seattlepi.com reported.
Dealing as it does with genes, and relatives, this type of crime is legally known as incestous insider trading.
•“Holding no regrets, Vikings QB Brett Favre says ‘I know it’s time‘”: Ah, yes, several seasons too late and a couple of scandals later, the unavoidable epiphany.
“Nearly half the fans at pro games drink alcohol, research finds”: And if the fan in question is wearing paint instead of clothes, or is wearing a foam piece of cheese as a hat, and/or is wearing a beer helmet equipped with plastic straws for handy hands-free drinking, the odds that they have been drinking alcohol increase dramatically, researchers found.
“Constipated crocodile who swallowed a cellphone is depressed”: Gena, a 14-year-old croc at a Ukrainian aquarium, has been refusing food and acting listless after eating a cellphone dropped by a woman who was trying to photograph him, according to news reports. (Would that make him a croc-a-dial?)
The aquarium workers apparently didn’t believe the woman’s account, until the phone started ringing and it was definitely coming from the crocodile. Doctors tried feeding the croc a live quail injected with vitamins and a laxative, but he didn’t bite.
“The fact that the phone’s ringtone is set to the 1980s boy band Wham’s song, “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” isn’t helping, aquarium workers reported.
The crocodile also finds it depressing that the woman’s friends keep texting “OMG” to him over and over again, the workers said.
And the fact that the cell phone company contacted Gena to let him know he was in danger of going way over his minutes has him on edge as well.
Giving the crocodile the newly unveiled Starbucks’ 31 ounce iced Trenta Colonoscopy Preppa drink also did not help.
When recovered, however, the cellphone will serve as the largest pill camera, or capsule endoscopy, on record.
Happy Monday.
