No more lives to live

Published 12:01 am Friday, April 15, 2011

Cue the dramatic organ music: Blaming falling ratings, ABC canceled two of its three soap operas, yanking “One Life to Live” and “All My Children” from its daytime lineup, leaving only “General Hospital” on ABC and three other soaps on CBS and NBC.

Both soaps will close out with their entire casts falling into deep comas only to awaken hours later on either “House, M.D.,” or “Grey’s Anatomy,” dramatically revealing that they are the night-time casts’ real parents.

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Should have grabbed some Beano on their way out: A pharmacist in Mississippi, tired of burglars breaking in and stealing drugs, switched the pain pills in a pharmacy bottle for dried kidney beans. The swap worked, with the thieves making off only with the legumes.

Police are listening very carefully for suspects.

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Messing with Texas: Seattle isn’t the only one feeling snubbed over NASA’s choices for which cities got space shuttles. Houston, home of NASA’s mission control, is only getting a pair of cockpit seats. Texas politicians are particularly galled that New York got a shuttle when they didn’t.

NASA had seriously considered Houston’s bid, but balked after it learned of plans to turn the shuttle’s payload bay into a huge barbecue grill.