Can’t we all yoga together?

Published 12:01 am Monday, July 25, 2011

We only hacked our own voicemail to bring you this week’s review of the headlines:

•”Tiger’s ex-wife dating mistress’ former lover“: Headline writing is harder than it looks, usual

ly due to space considerations. Apparently Tiger Woods’ ex-wife, Elin Nordegren, is dating the ex-boyfriend of one of her former husband’s mistresses, ninemsn.com reported. After crunching the numbers, it turns out the odds of this happening to Ms. Nordegren were quite high, and remain so.

“Dalai Lama urges Obama, GOP to work together“: This is what it’s come to? How embarrassing. Next week: Pope Benedict publishes his “Debt Ceiling for Dummies.” (His work, however, will later be discredited, based as it was on the inflated numbers of the Sistine Chapel ceiling.)

“10 great places for stadium food“: Yep, Safeco Field is included in this roundup from TheDailyMeal.com, and reported in USA Today. The recommended food? The Ivar dog. It’s a breaded fish sandwich served on a bed of coleslaw with Ivar’s tartar sauce on a hot dog bun. What, no clam chowder au jus for dipping?

Colman Andrews, of the TheDailyMeal, says: “It’s kind of healthy, at least compared to the other dogs.” Sure. And it’s kind of healthy, at least compared to deep-frying your own heart.

•”Washington farmers short on seasonal workers“: A secondary concern to the fact that Washington farmers are short on a growing season this year.

“Poll: Obama tied with Romney, could lose“: Good grief. Do we need the Dalai Lama to remind us that the election is long, long way off?

“Scientists: Regulate human-animal DNA experiments“: Sounds reasonable.

“All non-Africans part Neanderthal, genetics confirm”: Or not.

“AAA to offer roadside charging for stalled electric vehicles“: Or do-it-yourselfers can carry a metal clothes hanger and wait for a lightning strike.

“In Seattle, floating yoga on a paddleboard“: Sometimes it’s easy to see why outsiders might poke a little fun at the Emerald City. Other notions:

— Sit-and-be-fit sea kayaking on land aerobic classes.

— Floating Zumba milk carton boat races.

— Sweating to the oldies at hot yoga.

— The Mukilteo Ferry Half-Marathon and Fun Run.

— Floating acupuncture on a paddleboard.

— Jet Ski group therapy.

— The Lake Stevens Zen Ironman.

— Fitness in Your Mind meditation series.

— Skimboarding to Serenity workshop.

— Jetty Island Gentle Boot Camp.

— Possession Sound spinning class on paddleboards.

— Calm Clamming.

— Scuba Pilates.

•”It’s a miracle! Restored old boat finally floats“: Those involved in the labor celebrated by doing some yoga onboard. OK, they didn’t.

“When bicyclists and bears collide:” They just need more practice on those paddleboards.

“Los Angeles outlaws yelling threats at bicyclists“: Bears, however, are exempted.