Never Say Never

Published 11:26 pm Friday, November 4, 2011

Bouncing Baby Bieber? Teenage heartthrob and animatronic Muppet Justin Bieber is denying a woman’s claims that they had a sexual encounter in a backstage bathroom after a Bieber concert and that he is the father of her child born in July.

The woman is demanding a paternity test but among the proof that indicates the child is Bieber’s is the fact that the infant was born with a full head of luxurious blond hair and has begun a nationwide tour to promote his new album.

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Please text during movie: A previously unreleased 70-minute interview with departed Apple co-founder Steve Jobs recorded in 1995 for a PBS documentary will be shown in Landmark movie theaters later this month.

After you buy your popcorn at a showing of “Steve Jobs: The Lost Interview,” a man in a mock turtleneck will come out and tell you about the latest features for the new version of popcorn.

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The Nothing-Doing Congress: The U.S. House hasn’t agreed on much lately but in a 369-9 vote earlier this week it agreed to reaffirm “In God We Trust” as the nation’s official motto.

A companion measure, which failed to get enough votes, would have added, “Because We Can’t Be Trusted To Do Jack Squat.”

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