Reserved rental car a myth
Published 8:47 am Saturday, December 24, 2011
We’re having an end-of-the-year sale; all 2011 headlines must go:
•”Traveler’s Aide: I reserved a rental car, why isn’t it here?”: Despite giving a longish answer, the columnist writing for USA Today somehow manages not to mention Jerry Seinfeld’s famous riff on that very question. (“…You know how to take the reseveration, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation. And that’s really the most important part of the reservation — the holding. Anybody can just take them…”)
•”Charge: Woman stabbed classmate in anger management session”: Oops. Well, maybe she can do some extra credit.
Despite the seemingly open-and-shut nature of the case, there is at least one extenuating circumstance: The commotion started when the suspect allegedly began loudly complaining about having to watch an episode of “Dr. Phil” as part of the class. The victim allegedly urged the suspect to give the video a chance.
There’s an argument to be made that mandatory “Dr. Phil” watching can be considered cruel and unusual punishment.
•”Americans’ weight gain forces ferries to reduce passenger capacities”: The Coast Guard revised its “stability rules” based on estimates that the average adult passenger now weighs 185 pounds, up from 160 pounds. So Washington ferries that once could carry 2,000 people now max out at 1,750 passengers.
Hmmm. But what about vehicle obesity? Is it possible that bigger and heavier SUVs and trucks present a larger weight gain than the human passengers?
•”Florida county to spend funds to promote nude tourism”: Among their marketing promises: A super fast trip through airport security. Unless, of course, you’re good-looking.
•”5 things you think work, but actually don’t”: This is one of those online headlines posing as a news article that turns out to be a “slide show.” Missing from the list of five things you think work, but actually don’t … online “slide shows.” A simple list of five things should take five seconds to read, but with all the sputtering and downloading, they aren’t worth the time.
•”Nun famous for kissing Elvis prays for miracle”: Dolores Hart walked away from Hollywood stardom in 1963 to become a nun. As an actress, she gave Elvis Presley his first movie kiss. Now Mother Dolores and 40 other nuns are seeking help to renovate the abbey where they live.
(Not to be confused with Presley’s last movie, “Change of Habit,” where his character falls in love with a nun.)
Looking ahead, Mother Dolores might also want to sneak in a prayer asking that when her time comes, the obituary headline doesn’t begin with the phrase, “Nun famous for kissing Elvis…”
