Burke: Jack may have bowls, but ad will lose him customers

Published 1:30 am Monday, October 8, 2018

By Tom Burke

Not everyone is gonna want to get their hands on Jack’s bowls. Me for one.

Jack’s bowls are, for those who haven’t seen the TV commercial, how Jack-in-the-Box packages its “teriyaki.” They serve it in fast-food-plastic, throw-away bowls with little plastic forks.

And while this alleged food may or may not be tasteless, their TV spot is — very, very tasteless, with knowing winks to “check out Jack’s bowls.”

And probably ineffective to boot.

Now Jack has sparked a-bunch-a-buzz and media attention (overwhelmingly negative) with this spot; but I’ll be curious to see if it actually drives sales, which is what ads are supposed to do.

I spent over 40 years in marketing with nearly 20 years in the advertising business. I worked in New York (yes, on Madison Avenue, as well as Park Ave., Lexington Ave., and East 52th Street); and in Baltimore and Washington, D.C.

I had clients ranging from American Express to Courvoisier cognac. I helped make ads for Hardees (an East Coast-Midwest fast food chain) and Roy Rogers (another East Coast QSR – quick service restaurant). I worked on Vick’s DayQuil, Aetna Insurance, plus banks, packaged goods, and National Public Radio.

I may have been a party to bad ads (those that didn’t sell product) but never to tasteless advertising. I never had to convince a client that focusing on male genitalia was a way to sell the food we wanted people to, like, actually eat, or feed to their children. And I never did commercials I wouldn’t watch with my grandchildren.

Some may recall my column about Viagra’s heavy buys on sports programming and how disquieting I found explaining “erectile disfunction” to my pre-teen grandkids. Now Jack is hawking his bowls as if being potty-mouthed will convince people his teriyaki is better than Taco Time’s burritos or BK’s Rodeo King (1,250 calories of artery-clogging half-pound-plus greasy burgers topped with three half-strips of bacon, onion rings, BBQ sauce, American cheese and creamy mayonnaise).

Frankly, I’m mystified someone thought jock-strap references would sell food.

Or why franchisees, who pay for the ads, would want their restaurants bragging about Jack’s bowls.

Ad folks ask themselves three questions when making a commercial:

Who am I talking to? (Define the target audience in terms of demographics, psychographics and purchase preferences.)

What do I want them to do? (Buy? Try? Think nice thoughts?)

Why should they do it? (Taste? Convenience? Portability? Ambiance? Price? Value? Quality? Service?)

Then they add the ad magic and transform a sales pitch into entertainment.

So lets try answering those questions for Jack’s bowls.

Who am I talking to? People who eat fast food? Or teenage boys who snigger at sexual innuendo?

What do I want them to do? Try Jack’s bowls. Duh!

Why should they do it? It can’t be because it tastes good, flavor is hardly mentioned. Can’t be price or value, neither cost or quality is mentioned. Can’t be convenience or restaurant ambiance, the spot is shot in a warehouse. And it can’t be because Jack’s is family-friendly. I won’t take my grandkids there now.

So why should I give up my regular fast-food meals for Jack’s? Beats me. All they tell me is their “lawyer” says Jack can’t brag about his bowls; they don’t say if the food is actually tasty or healthy.

No, near as I can tell, the only reason to try Jack’s bowls is: they made a crass commercial that purports to be funny. You know: bowls, balls. Side-splitting stuff, no?

And that’s what depresses me. This isn’t funny, not the first time, or the fifth time, or the tenth time. It’s not ever humorous, it’s just coarse.

If I were a franchisee fighting for market share against McDonalds, BK, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, Wendy’s, Subway, Arby’s, DQ, Chipolte, Sonic, Five Guys, The Hut, Starbucks, Penera, Chik-fil-A, diners, food trucks, 7-11s, or Dick’s I wouldn’t want my ad dollars flushed down the toilet with bathroom humor. I’d want to focus on my great-tasting food, quality, variety, value, or my service; not, “I’m the only one who has the bowls to serve something different.” All fast-food joints serve something different. And people know it.

Honestly, it doesn’t take big bowls to serve up bad advertising; it just takes bad taste.

Note: In pursuit of journalistic integrity I tried Jack’s 90 percent-soggy-rice-very-little chicken-a-few-scraps-of-broccoli-and-some totally-bland-bottled-sauce-all-nuked-to luke-warm-in-the-microwave. It was bad.

And in advertising we used to say, “The best way to kill a bad product is to do good advertising.” This is by no means good advertising, but if it motivates trial, you can be sure people won’t be coming back for seconds; they’ll go somewhere else where they can be lovin’ it; gettin’ it their way; at the place that has the meats; that’s finger-lickin’ good; so they can live mas. And not eat out of Jack’s bowls.

Tom Burke’s email address is t.burke.column@gmail.com.