Schwab: Oh, the places we’ll go for some Seussian rhymes
Published 1:30 am Saturday, March 13, 2021
By Sid Schwab / Herald columnist
I do not like you, Cancun Cruz,
You make me mad, oh yes, you do.
I don’t like seeing you on the news.
The things you say are never true.
The “doctor’s” family changed their mind.
But you said Biden canceled Seuss.
They thought some pictures were unkind.
A lie like yours has no excuse.
Some books will stop, but just a few
I think that is a thing you knew.
Before you talk about the book,
Maybe you should have a look. (tinyurl.com/not2sweet)
But you are not the very worst.
You didn’t even get there first.
Your party gave up long ago.
Their actions now are all for show.
Joe Biden’s plans they’d like to ditch
Unless they help the really rich.
Their sponsors’ wishes they’ll engage,
But never raise the mini wage.
What’s that? Did I just hear a Who
Complaining loud about the debt?
Or maybe it was only you.
But Cancun Ted did you forget
The cost, gee whiz, for goodness sakes
Of budget-busting taxes breaks
For those who needed them the least?
While people starve, your owners feast.
And I don’t like you, Fox’s Tucker.
You always make my sphincters pucker.
(The reader may my praises sing;
I did not rhyme that other thing.)
The watchers of your icky show
Just want to hear you bashing Joe.
When you pretended books were banned,
Just as you hoped, the flames were fanned.
Oh Tucker, you’re a nasty guy,
You could be honest if you’d try.
But you prefer your misdirection,
And lies about the insurrection.
Why you do this I don’t know,
But I admit it is your show.
Your viewers only want your fibs,
And love it when you “own the libs.”
It is too bad that’s all you’ve got,
Because it’s causing minds to rot.
Were you like this when you were small?
Did you never care at all?
(I know I mixed the rhyming scheme,
And now there’ll be a meter change.
Does it make you want to scream?
Seuss did it, too; don’t think it strange.)
It looks like we’re stuck with both Tucker and Ted,
Who hope we’ll be madder ‘bout books children read
Than the virus that Donald so carelessly spread.
That’s how they all try to get into your head.
And to think that I saw it on Capitol Hill.
The R’s were obstructing, they’re doing it still.
They all voted not to begin the debate
And forced their poor clerks into staying up late.
Then none of them voted for giving out checks
To people in need who are up to their necks.
They’re not very nice, and of that I am sure.
They act like they’re grinches; I guess always were.
They all voted no, every woman and man,
Weren’t even trying to come up with a plan.
And now that it passed they are trying to take credit,
Believe it or not a “no” voter just said it. (tinyurl.com/he-said-no)
“Young man,” someone told me, “you’re sort of a fool.
You’ll never catch plans in Republicans’ pool.
They drown all ideas there, and more by the hour.
I guess they’ll keep doing it; it’s their superpower.
If I wait long enough, if I’m patient and cool,
Some say Mitch McConnell will restock the pool,
Like Republicans did when they offered a hand,
To presidents all, who were leading the land.
But that was back then, when it looked like they cared,
And tried to improve how America fared.
Yet now, one and all, they are turning their backs,
On people with problems that each of them lacks.
Though most of the voters are in Biden’s groove,
The right wing decided that they’ll never move
Away from obstructing no matter the harm
To the country whose Trumpists they try hard to charm.
But they’re charming with falsehood, they know that the truth
Brings voters they fear to the next voting booth.
In every red state they are up ‘round the clock
To figure out ways how those votes they can block.
They want to because of the good we are seeing:
Joe’s getting things done and he’s not even mean.
And unlike his former, he keeps a low profe,
Yet no one must settle for just half a loaf.
Joe meant what he said, and he said what he meant
And so far he’s faithful one-hundred-per-cent.
Email Sid Schwab at columnsid@gmail.com.
