Hog, prairie dog theat justifies military-style firearms?

Published 1:30 am Sunday, July 17, 2022

Only by addressing the concerns of assault-weapon lovers can we have a ban on weapons of war. Those in opposition want the right to have AR-15s because they are worried about an invasion of thuggish prairie dogs like South Dakota’s Sen. John Thune or deeply fearful of an attack by feral pigs like Arizona’s Sen. Bill Cassidy.

We need to immediately buy many helicopters for elite units of sharp shooters who can be called in to take out feral pigs anywhere but especially ones near Sen. Cassidy. As for those vicious and not at all cute rodents with their sharp little teeth ominously popping out of holes, they could be enclosed in privatized prairie dog prisons built by those workers no longer building Trump’s wall.

It would cost billions, but maybe Sens. Susan Collins and Angus King of Maine and others who previously did not vote for a ban because luckily their states had no mass shootings would change their minds about protecting lives in the not-so-lucky states because their frightened fellow senators were now safe in feral pig and prairie dog states.

Candace Jarrett

Snohomish