Burke: Trump’s 250th — Trash-talking, pillow-fisted, glass-jawed tap out?
Published 1:30 am Wednesday, June 3, 2026
Let’s celebrate 250 years of American independence with a glorious White House celebration where we’ll honor the patriots who gave “the last full measure” to protect our freedom.
We’ll recognize American exceptionals who led the way in science, health, industry, education, finance, defense, jurisprudence, engineering, governance, electronics, computing, and the arts.
We’ll invite the country’s leading singers, dancers, and story-tellers to showcase their talent and remind people how American culture sets the pace for the world.
We’ll proclaim, as President Gerald Ford did in 1976, our commitment to our founding principles, “In the year 1776, the people of our land dedicated themselves in word and deed to the principles of liberty, equality, individual dignity, and representative government.”
And he continued, “Let each of us resolve to cherish and protect what we have achieved…and to build upon it in the years ahead, not by words alone, but by actions which bespeak a continuing commitment to a heritage of individual initiative, creativity, and liberty.”
Nah.
Trump ain’t do’in none of that crap…
…’Cause what he’s going to do instead is — stage an Ultimate Fighting Championship cage fight on the White House lawn.
We’ll throw six pairs of guys from France, Canada, the US, Brazil and Germany into a big steel octagon and let them viciously choke and kick and bloodily pummel each other mercilessly until one is either knocked out or surrenders, beaten and humiliated, while the winner cavorts around the cage in a frenzy.
Yeah! That’s the way to celebrate the richness of our resources, our creativity, our strength, and our people.
With a bloody brawl!
And it won’t cost taxpayer a dime, as the UFC business owner, TKO (which Trump just “coincidentally” invested $50,000 in) will spend $60 million to put on the show.
Except for the $5 or $6 million it’ll cost taxpayers for the SEAR 1-level security (the highest tier, putting it on par with presidential inaugurations and the Super Bowl) to protect his 4,500 guests.
Now what could be better than that, except maybe holding the weigh-ins for this bloody brawl at the Lincoln Memorial, which would be right in keeping with the inscription etched into the north chamber, “With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation’s wounds…”
(That’s the “nation’s” wounds, Trump, not some Ground-and-Pound, Muay Thai, Sprawler/Brawler’s.)
Now after my distain and disgust for the self-indulgent excess and complete lack of history, taste and decorum Donald Trump exhibits in this travesty, I ask myself, “What would I do with the $70 million this foolishness is costing?”
And I ask you the same question, gentle reader.
What would you do with that money in light of the nation’s pain as inflation, gas, and grocery prices keep rising?
More to the point, what would you do with:
The $13 million Reflecting Pool resurfacing money (not Trump’s original $2 million price tag);
The 1 billion taxpayer dollars, plus his “sponsor’s” $400 million for a ballroom that no one wants and the nation doesn’t need;
Your $1.776 billion tax dollars Trump gave himself to pass on to the thugs who tried to hang the Vice President and overturn the 2020 election by storming the Capitol and attacking the police;
Your $100 million+ for the 250-foot Arch du Trump (that no one wants, hasn’t been seriously reviewed, and will destroy the viewscape of Arlington National Cemetery);
The $40 or $80 or $100 million for Trump’s “National Garden of American Heroes;” (His what?)
$10 million for white paint to cover the classical grey granite of the Eisenhower Exec Office building (which paint experts say will ruin the building);
The $29 billion (so far) for Trump’s war-of-choice in Iran, plus $1 to $2 billion per day more, plus the $50 billion you paid directly in increased gas and diesel prices for no apparent good reason or clear objective;
And the $166 billion you paid in Trump’s illegal/unconstitutional tariffs that he’s paying back to importers and companies (and not to you!).
When we celebrated our 200th Bicentennial waaay back in 1976 there was a Freedom Train travelling 25,000 miles touring 48 states; a visit by Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip; Bicentennial coins with George Washington, John Kennedy, and Sacajawea on them; the “Between Friends” film produced by the National Film Board of Canada (not likely today, hey); performances by every major star in Nashville, Hollywood, New York, Detroit, etc. and celebrations, picnics, parades, and memorials in every city, town, and hamlet across the nation.
Trump’s 2026 bumbling effort: a cage fight on the White House lawn; a 1.7-mile Indy-car race around the Mall; a D.C. Great American State Fair now featuring Donald Trump and not all the entertainers who have dropped out; a Christian (nationalist) revival meeting; a $250 bill featuring Trump’s face as well as his picture on US passports and National Park passes.
But the real shame of this 250th year of America isn’t the poor taste, grift, or banality of Trump’s plans, it’s the wasted opportunity to bring the nation together.
We’ve almost as divided today as we were in the 1860s when Blue patriots fought Grey traitors.
We need a healer.
Instead we have a Trash-Talking (he’s truly a potty-mouth), Pillow-Fisted (TACO — Trump Always Chickens Out), Glass-Jawed (judges knock him silly every time he goes to court), Tap Out (he quits at every challenge).
What a waste.
Come on the November mid-terms. And is it 2028 yet?
Tom Burke’s email address is t.burke.column@gmail.com.
