Dog loses hunting license
Published 12:30 pm Sunday, December 4, 2011
“Santa Claus is Coming to Town”: A fun, traditional carol, or portrait of a bullying stalker? (“Better not pout.”) (“He sees you when you’re sleeping.”) You make the call as we make a list of naughty and nice headlines:
•”Dog steps on gun, shoots hunter in buttocks”: The Utah bird hunter was shot after his dog stepped on a shotgun laid across the bow of a boat, the Associated Press reported. The man stepped out to move decoys and was hit with 27 pellets of birdshot, but wasn’t seriously injured, in part because he was wearing waders. It wasn’t clear if the dog then jumped in to retrieve him.
Officials could not confirm that the dog’s name is, or soon will be, Dick Cheney.
•”Iowa town auctioning off right to name creek”: The town hopes to raise money for sidewalks by selling the naming rights to a creek, in the tradition of sports arenas. Officials in Kalona hope the auction will help the city reach its goal of $200,000 for sidewalk improvements. City Council members are open to just about any name, but it must be “appropriate.”
Currently, the “creek” is known simply as West Drainage Ditch.
Which apparently is appropriate, but doesn’t raise any money for sidewalks, or carry the cache, of say, a Comcast or Comerica Creek. (Kalona Creek has a nice ring, but also fails to raise cash.)
Maybe someone in town is willing to spend $20 or so to call it “My Drainage Ditch,” or “Pop’s Drainage Ditch,” but that doesn’t fix many sidewalks.
What Kalona needs is a celebrity in residence to bid for the rights. Where does retired race car driver Richard Trickle live? Or retired anchorman Lou Waters? Or someone into campy tributes. (The “Mae West Drainage Ditch.”)
•”Flerovium and Livermorium proposed as names for new elements in periodic table”: So now they must be selling the naming rights for elements, too. Long taken are the simple and strong names, such as “iron” and “gold.”
“Livermorium” sounds like prisoners on a food strike.
In reality, the name acknowledges the scientists at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory; whereas “Flerovium” references those at the Flerov Laboratory of Nuclear Reactions. OK, very democratic, no one is singled out. But scientists involved in identifying what have turned out to be the heaviest elements include Ken Moody, John Wild and Philip Wilk.
Would it be so wrong if the new elements were called Moody and Wild? Or Wilk and Wild? Heavy and Heavier?
(Let Kalona have the Livermorium Creek.)
Happy Flerovium to you and yours.
