Comfort me, Elmo

Published 2:38 pm Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Muppets Take Wall Street: The producers of “Sesame Street” are preparing a prime-time special in which Elmo and his Muppet friends will help children understand the country’s economic crisis.

Among the planned segments: Kermit the Frog sings “It’s Not Easy Making Green,” The Count keeps a running tally on unemployment figures, and Bert and Ernie move into Oscar the Grouch’s trash can when their home is foreclosed on.

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Pack your (canvas) bags: Even after Seattle voters defeated a measure that would have placed a 20-cent tax on bags at many stores, Edmonds officials say they have no intention of backing down on their ban of plastic bags at the checkout counter.

Stung by the defeat of the bag tax, thousands of Seattle’s liberal elites are migrating north to live among their own kind.

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Beluga, ho! To educate people who harass harbor seals they mistakenly believe are in distress or abandoned, a volunteer program has been established in Edmonds. Orange traffic cones are placed around the animal, and volunteers inform passersby that the seals are fine and aren’t in need of rescue.

Before our next beach nap, we plan to set up some orange cones to discourage the people who keep trying to roll The Buzz back into the surf.