You’d be mad, too, if they called you "Bossie"

Published 9:45 pm Saturday, March 14, 2009

Say it with me: Bovine spongiform encephalopathy: To protect against mad cow disease, the federal government has permanently banned from slaughter “downer cows,” cattle too sick to stand on their own.

But word has gotten around the herd; cows hoping to avoid ending up as 2 pounds of ground round wrapped in plastic are now purposely frothing at the mouth and walking around on wobbly legs.

High fashion, low brow: Three people were arrested and six injured after a brawl broke out outside a Manhattan audition for the CW reality show, “America’s Top Model.”

Producers for the reality show have announced that “downer” models wobbling around on broken high heels will be banned from the competition.

Gored again: Insurance giant American International Group, which has received a taxpayer bailout of $170 billion, says it still intends on handing out millions of dollars in bonuses to its executives for 2008, and there’s little the government can do about it.

Upon hearing this news, if you begin to froth at the mouth and slap your hand against your forehead, this is a natural reaction called “mad taxpayer disease.”