PepsiCo says what about Pop-Tarts pizza?
Published 1:30 am Sunday, February 26, 2017
By Carol MacPherson
Let’s persist in trying to find some fun in the headlines.
“Are Baked Lay’s potato chips really “guilt-free”? PepsiCo says so”: Well, they are not a “sin” in the traditional sense, even if they don’t taste as good as “guilty” fried potato chips. Food is better evaluated nutritionally, rather than judgmentally. Also, never try to win an argument in favor of eating anything by saying, “Well, PepsiCo says so.”
“Kellogg’s unveils Pop-Tarts pizza, tacos at NYC cafe”: How quickly I stand corrected. Yes, of course, some food “products” can be a sin, if not actually food.
“Eat more fruit and vegetables for a longer life, researchers say”: We’ve known this now for a very long time, yet continue to study it, perhaps in hope that one day the results will finally reveal that the key to the fountain of youth can be found in Pop-Tarts pizza.
“In SC, Boeing goes all out to defeat vote on unionization: Indeed. Otherwise, what was the point of building a Dreamliner plant in South Carolina? (As expected, the measure failed by a wide margin.)
“Amazon patents plans to parachute packages from drones”: Does it sometimes seem like such announcements are less about customer needs or satisfaction, and more about bored engineers having fun?
“Testosterone gel study finds no benefit for older men’s memories: Which of course isn’t why they are using it, but what the heck.
“There’s still hope of intelligent life in the galaxy”: Haha. That’s probably supposed to read, “There’s still hope of other intelligent life in the galaxy.” We don’t want to count ourselves out that quickly, do we?
“Trump calls for building up nuke arsenal to be ‘top of the pack’”: Oh. Now that last headline makes more sense.
“‘The Gene Machine’ poses question: Can we design a perfect future human?”: Uh, not without going down that whole Nazi path, (the one we were supposed to learn from.)
”Iceland’s hottest new reality TV show is just a livestream of cats”: What it lacks in indiscriminate yelling and over-dramatics, it makes up for with purring and cuteness.
“Did Microsoft just out-cool Apple?”: Gosh, who would have guessed this silly “who is cooler, who is the fuddy duddy” cycle has come full circle?
“Jeep buried in sand dune for 40 years is finally unearthed”: Sheesh. If this is the kind of anti-climatic discovery future generations can expect from their digging and excavations, let’s hope the Egyptian pyramids and other ancient megalithic structures around the world will continue to stand, (and more will be discovered.)
“Steve Strauss: Are you emotionally intelligent?”: Are you *&^#@!(&&^@ saying I’m not? Hahahaha.
Test out your futuristic mantra this week: PepsiCo says so. PepsiCo says so. PepsiCo says so.
cmacpherson@heraldnet.com
