Gas pains

Published 12:01 am Friday, April 29, 2011

Something’s bloated: ExxonMobil earned nearly $11 billion in the first quarter of 2011, crediting higher oil prices with boosting profits 69 percent over last year. That’s the oil giant’s best performance since a record-setting $14.83 billion earned in the third quarter of 2008, which was the last time that a gallon of gas edged over $4.

If you’re worried that your money is feeling a little homesick, you can write it c/o:

ExxonMobil

5959 Las Colinas Boulevard

Irving, Texas 75039-2298

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Arise Sir Loin of Beef: Sometime after this morning’s big wedding, Prince William and his new bride, Kate, are expected to get new titles. He will be a duke, and she, a duchess. But of what? Among the duchies available are Cambridge, Sussex, Connaught and Strathearn or Clarence and Avondale. Or Queen Elizabeth II could just wing it and make up a title for her grandson and his wife.

Sounds kind of cheap to us. We knew things are tight for the monarchy, but couldn’t the queen have afforded a Crockpot like everybody else.

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Don’t know much about history: On this day in 1945, Adolf Hitler married Eva Braun.

Didn’t somebody at Buckingham Palace think to check a history book?