Royal wedding crashers
Published 12:01 am Monday, April 18, 2011
While “Evergreen State” refers to Washington’s majestic trees, it also evokes shades of moss, mold and mildew. Let’s wade into the algae-colored headlines:
•”How to watch the royal wedding on TV“: With
the sound and picture off? The article doesn’t really offer instructions on how to view the nuptials, but rather which stations are televising the intimate gathering and related coverage.
The royal family, however, would prefer if commoners would brush up on their royal-wedding-telly-watching etiquette so as to not commit any royal faux pas, such as forgetting to curtsey after TiVoing the proceedings to refill the Cheeto (crisps) bowl or using the loo.
A non-royal, or common, faux pas would be affecting your really bad fake British accent until your friends are forced to stage an intervention, or failing to use the phrase “Your majesty” creatively enough.
•”Trouble @Twitter“: Now there’s a great, can’t-be-misinterpreted headline from Fortune.com. The “deck,” or headline under the main headline, says, “Boardroom power plays, disgruntled founders, and CEO switcheroos are clipping the wings of this tech high flier.”
Sounds good and gossipy and Twitterable. But we’ll wait for the movie, “The Tweety Network.” (Disgruntled founder who sues: Bad ol Puddy Tat.)
•”After Kobe Bryant’s anti-gay slur, Lakers to work with GLAAD on educating fans“: It’s the fans who need educating? Good grief. That takes some, uh, spin.
“The Los Angeles Lakers will work with the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation on ways to keep anti-gay slurs out of basketball,” the Associated Press reported. Here’s an idea: Tape Kobe’s mouth shut?
“CDC: NBA stomach bug outbreak affected 13 teams“: The recurring Kobevirus can indeed cause upset stomachs, health officials reported.
“Air controllers need naps on the job, experts say“: Meanwhile, passengers will be issued security blankets.
“Qualifying for Boston Marathon made tougher after early sellout“: The prestigious race is growing too popular for its narrow New England britches, which can’t get any bigger, geographically. So the organizers are making it tougher to get in. In 2013, qualifying standards will be tightened by five minutes in all age groups.
Expert marathoners’ advice for runners on the bubble: Run faster. The lazy athlete’s advice: Keep the same pace, just age faster.
•”Charlie Sheen organizes bipolar awareness walk“: All in preparation for the big group therapy session at Comcast Arena.
“‘Naked’ pool opens in Las Vegas“: Well, the American version of “naked” anyway. Women are encouraged to go topless. Otherwise, your usual pool rules stand: Only three margaritas per floaty device, only two Speedo-clad Europeans per pool, and absolutely no jeans-cutoff-shorts-clad Americans.
