Breath of fresh air

Published 12:01 am Thursday, January 6, 2011

Breath of fresh air

Rep. John Boehner, R-Ohio, was elected the 61st Speaker of the House on Wednesday.

The new speaker tearfully vowed to rein in government spending, cut the deficit and find a decent steakhouse in northern Virginia that allows smoking in the cocktail lounge.

F is for fake: A 1998 study claiming to link a childhood vaccine with autism was a fraud based on doctored information, according to a new examination funded by the Times of London and Britain’s Channel 4 TV network.

The Buzz Karma Court hereby decrees that the discredited study’s author shall come down with measles, mumps and rubella.

He’s in the money: One of two winners of a $380 million Mega Millions jackpot bought the winning ticket at a Safeway in the Eastern Washington town of Ephrata.

The lucky new multimillionaire will be introduced to the world today at a press conference in Olympia. After that, Gov. Chris Gregoire will ask him for a payday loan to tide state government over until the end of the month.

— Mark Carlson, Herald staff