Forum: The lost ethic of mutual respect

Published 1:30 am Saturday, May 9, 2026

When I started teaching music at Stanwood HS, I was fortunate to have an excellent, supportive administration and community. It motivated me to do my very best at all times. A key person was Vice Principal Gary Axtel. He had a two-word ethical standard, which he taught me by example. That ethic was “mutual respect.”

He had my back as long as mutual respect was used. Woe to students who disrespected a teacher. Woe to parents who disrespected teachers. Double woe to any teacher who disrespected a student or parents! Teachers knew. Parents knew. Students knew. The result? Expectations of the school, parents, and community aligned. Cooperation was the norm, and maximum student success was the result.

Three expectations, all equally important, must be in place for student success. First, teachers and schools are expected to be fully prepared to teach, lead, and guide students to achieve their best. Second, parents are expected to send their children to school prepared to do their best. And third, the community is expected to provide needed resources to fix any problems in the first two expectations. Presently, all three expectations have shortcomings. It is no wonder we don’t see best results. Protests about math and reading scores don’t fix math and reading scores. But meeting and exceeding these three expectations will, and much more.

We know something’s wrong, but what is it? No ethical standard is what’s wrong. Our world is infected with the “me, my, and mine” virus. We are desperate for a cure. Mutual respect is the anti-virus which cures “me, my mine”. It is universally effective. It works.

We keep reading stories about school districts failing to take action when students are disrespected or harmed. And even worse are the attempts to cover up and sweep matters under the rug. Expectation one: failing.

Students come to school not prepared to cooperate and learn. I hear horrific tales of increasing student disrespect and violence towards teachers and other students. And when parents are called in, they rant about the teacher and the school instead of taking accountability for their child’s attitudes and behaviors. Then add no teacher support from school administration. Expectation two: failing.

Courageous communities, schools, and state legislators must work cooperatively to provide the resources and accountability required to achieve and exceed the first two expectations. That cooperation is missing, so needed resources, like school levies to run our schools, school bonds to rebuild our crumbling schools, and critical state funding is missing. Expectation three: failing.

Schools, parents, and community must be equally accountable just as the three strands of a rope must be equally strong. All three require equal, constant attention. Too much attention on one means unnoticed disintegration of the other two. How are we doing? All three strands are badly frayed.

The required cornerstone is mutual respect. It is required of every person, school district, and community, including the state. This is how we fix, change, and improve all the broken systems we are mired in. Hiding or denying problems doesn’t work. Screaming criticism on Facebook doesn’t work. Blaming others doesn’t work. Failing levies and bonds to deny needed resources combined with poor state funding doesn’t work. These only create more problems.

Mutual respect is the problem solver. It is the two-word version of the golden rule. Today, this ethic is hard to find, and this endangers our future. Mutual respect is a tough call today. But it works, we can still do it, and we must. Let’s go to work. Respectfully.

Ron Friesen is a Marysville resident, a retired music teacher, and community and church musician who is committed to community improvement.