By Alexandra Petri
The Washington Post
“Have a garage sale. Turn your hobby into income. Become a mystery shopper. Tutor students, give music or sports lessons. Bankruptcy is a last option.”
— Actual suggestions from a tip sheet for making ends meet during the furlough for Coast Guard employees, since removed.
– Sell a piece or two of heirloom silver.
– KonMari your least cherished mink coat.
– Rent out your opera box.
– Let your footman go (temporarily, of course).
– Take in a lodger in the ballroom.
– Hire out your French chef.
– Arrange a profitable marriage for your eldest daughter, and, if necessary, your second daughter as well.
– Become a governess.
– Dig up your intricate boxwood maze and plant vegetables.
– Fill in one of your trout ponds.
– Convert the second garage into a school for wayward girls
– Eat (less) cake.
– Spend winters at your summer home. In general, wintering where you summer or summering where you winter can be an enormous savings.
– Sell off a pair of coach horses.
– Give it all up and become a pop icon.
– Do you act? Consider converting this into a profitable career as a movie star.
– Do you write? Publishing a best-selling novel can be a great source of revenue.
– Monetize your online content.
– Chop down one or two trees in your cherry orchard.
– Sell your hair (this, like bankruptcy, is a last resort, best saved for when you are trying to give a thoughtful gift).
– Ask Daddy for a loan.
Alexandra Petri is a Washington Post columnist. Follow her on Twitter @petridishes.