This year, let’s celebrate everybody else’s mother

On this day set aside to celebrate and honor the institution of motherhood, let’s hear it for a legendary heroine who puts all other mothers to shame — she’s "everybody else’s mother." Although never honored with a greeting card from Hallmark or a bouquet from FTD, she’s certainly worthy — even TV moms Donna Reed, June Cleaver and Carol Brady can’t compete.

Over at everybody else’s mother’s house, there are no consequences for inappropriate behavior and they don’t have a curfew. EBEM doesn’t check for too much makeup or too short of a mini-skirt — she thinks Brittany Spears makes the perfect fashion statement for a 12-year-old. At her house, they eat cookies instead of veggies.

Everybody else’s mother doesn’t insist her children wear jackets or bike helmets, practice the piano or brush their teeth. Getting up for school, doing your homework and making the bed — all optional at EBEM’s house. Those blessed to be born into her family take trips to Disneyland instead of making payments on braces and putting away money for college tuition.

Parental control stickers on music or movies, forgeddabout it — they’re inconsequential at everybody else’s mother’s house. After, all, she’s hip. She likes tattoos and pet reptiles and never, ever thinks the music is too loud. She doesn’t raise her voice and she would never do anything to embarrass her child — like volunteering in the classroom or showing up to pick up her junior high school age child and actually getting out of the car.

Celebrate her? Sure, because every time she materializes, through a child’s frantic attempt to gain an inappropriate level of independence, you can bet the real mother is doing a pretty good job. Having exhausted every reasonable attempt to persuade a parent, the whiny "everybody else’s mother let’s them" card is played. Real moms recognize the tactic immediately and know to hold their ground.

Forget the reservations and we’ll pass on the homemade breakfast in bed. Let’s make plans to spend this Mother’s Day at everybody else’s mother’s house.