TODAY’S LINEUP
A look at the top sports stories in today’s Herald:
Is Edgar deserving of a Hall pass?
Mariners longtime designated hitter and base-path clogger Edgar Martinez is up for his first Hall of Fame vote and Herald writer Kirby Arnold believes he should be a part of the club. The Closer doesn’t even need to read Mr. Arnold to know that the ’Gar and his light bat are a worthy choice. Edgar would have The Closer’s vote, but he had his Hall voted revoked when he voted for Jim Pressly back in 1995.
Tips tag along
The Silvertips will be plus one teammate on the team’s current road trip to northern British Columbia. Everett’s 2008 No. 1 bantam draft pick Nicholas Walters is riding along to get a feel for what it life’s like on the road in the WHL. Here’s The Closer’s guess: A lot of cheese whiz, fart jokes and video games.
They got chemistry down cold
Youngsters Jean-Luc Baker and Joylyn Yang have dreams of making the winter Olympics … in 2014. The local ice dancers are participating in next week’s U.S. Figure Skating Championships in Spokane in the novice category. The Closer believes anyone who can put on ice skates on not hit the deck in the first five minutes deserves a gold medal.
What next for Seahawks?
After back to back losing seasons, a number of Seahawks face an uncertain future, including left tackle Walter Jones. The future Hall of Famer says his rehab is going well and that he wants to come back. Upon hearing that, Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck dropped to his knees and began praying.
WHL expects dealing to be slow
The trade deadline is fast approaching this week in the WHL, but the word around the league is that parity and the slumping economy could make it a slow season for trades. Or it could be that all the Canadian GMs are just distracted by the World Junior Championships and just haven’t gotten around to making any deals yet.
THE WARMUP PITCH
Broncos buck the system
They may not have had a shot at the national title, but the Boise State Broncos again made their case for being the most exciting college football team to watch. The Broncos grabbed another trick out of their bag — a fake punt late in the fourth quarter — and beat previously undefeated TCU 17-10 to win the Fiesta Bowl Monday night. But hey we know that not everybody gets to play for the national title, right Mr. Hancock?
Zorn out — finally
Washington owner Daniel Snyder finally pulled the plug on the Jim Zorn error … er, era .. in the nation’s capital on Monday. Now there’s rumors flying that Mike Shanahan is the next in line to take over. If Shanny’s bringing along John Elway and Terrell Davis then this hiring should work out perfectly.
Bills jettison everybody with coach title
Buffalo owner Ralph Wilson did Snyder one better and canned his entire coaching staff, making the Bills a rudderless ship. Of course that doesn’t really mean anything’s changed in Orchard Park, N.Y. The Bills have been a mess since the K-Gun left town.
Beltre trying on Bosox?
Sources out of Boston have former M’s Adrian Beltre close to signing a one-year deal with the Red Sox. Hey, Red Sox, if you can keep the guy’s “groin area” safe you got a .260 hitter who can play a mean third base.
Tar Heels stunned by C of C
The ninth-ranked North Carolina men’s basktball team was shocked by the College of Charleston on Monday night, losing 82-79 in overtime. Though the Tar Heels should have no problem with their next opponent: C+C Music Factory.
CURVE BALLS
The wild and wacky news from the world of sports
A joke gone bad
Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas is now blaming his firearm controversy on a joke gone wrong. The Closer played a joke that involved a gun once on his buddy, but it ended in a three-day stretch in county lock-up and a mean flesh wound.
Tiger pumps some iron
Vanity Fair apparently had some Tiger Woods’ photos laying around and felt the world needed to see them. The photos show a shirtless Tiger Woods, wearing a black beanie and pumping some iron. Woods had to be relieved that Vanity Fair didn’t have the “other” photos.
THE RUNDOWN
In honor of Jim Zorn losing his job and Mike Shanahan possibly taking it, The Closer takes a look at the five biggest offseason changes he envisions (that don’t involve the Redskins):
5. Steelers don’t do anything (including play zero games in the playoffs): … and The Closer sleeps comfortably.
4. Seahawks trade up to No. 1: … and take an offensive guard.
3. Bills hire Brian Schottenheimer: The youngster brings in Papa Bear Marty to be consultant, but then fires him right before the playoffs next year.
2. Matt Hasselbeck dealt to Cleveland: Mike Holmgren reunited with his favorite quarterback not named Brett. Speaking of Brett …
1. Brett Favre retires: … then unretires … then retires again and becomes a lawnmower maitenance guy in Mississippi.
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