Dear Leader departed

Published 9:25 pm Monday, December 19, 2011

Fatally Il: Following the death of Kim Jong Il, North Korea has begun an 11-day period of mourning for its longtime ruler. No foreign delegations will be invited to the Dec. 28 state funeral, and North Korea has forbidden any entertainment during the mourning period.

The entertainment ban means immediate cancellation of North Korean television’s long-running and top-rated show, “Dear Leader Visits Glorious Factories and Farms and Points at Things.”

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Won’t you let me take you on a sea cruise: An unidentified buyer has purchased the historic state ferry Kalakala from owner Steve Rodrigues for $1 and promises to restore the streamlined vessel to its art deco glory.

And if those plans don’t work out, Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen said he’d park the bulbous and shiny aluminum Kalakala next to Seattle’s Experience Music Project where it will blend in completely.

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Feel the burn: If you’ve already surrendered to the temptations of holiday feasting, there are some specific things you can do to burn off the extra calories. For example, 47 minutes of bowling will take care of a serving of eggnog.

You can even burn off the densest slice of fruitcake, provided you benchpress it 20 times before eating it.

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