Dry humor lacks hydration
Published 12:01 am Monday, October 3, 2011
October? Already? Are we losing time to a post-recessionary, speed-of-light tax posing as a fee? What if Americans were paid per conspiracy theory? Let’s review the reality-based headlines:
•”Rick Perry’s wife defends him on Iowa campaign trip“: Not a good sign for the Tough, New-Sheriff-in-Town candidate.
Anita Perry was taken aback at the “intense” scrutiny of her husband after his debate performance. “I thought I was pretty seasoned, but I never thought I’d see anything like this,” she told the Des Moines Register.
OK, all together now: “Toto, er, Anita, we have a feeling you’re not in Texas anymore.”
•”‘Adweek’ tracks The Next Great Consumer: infants to 3-year-olds”: Go ahead, weep. Have a good cry.
USA Today reports: “The media magazine says that by getting their logos and iconic characters in front of babies, marketers ‘hope to establish brand-name preference before she or he has uttered a word.'”
Because what are the Terrible Twos without a toddler throwing a fit for her Versace and Fendi?
•“Jerry Seinfeld talks comedy, critics, cars”:
Seattle Times columnist Nicole Brodeur interviewed the comedian over the phone before his two Seattle shows. She asked what was in his current stand-up act, and he generously gave her two examples. To which Brodeur responds: “Funny. So what else is in there?”
And Seinfeld says: “In where?”
“Oh, you just want me to recite my act? Your job is to interpret.”
He then goes off on a pretty good rant about European critics vs. American critics.
He was suggesting there might be more to say about the material he just shared than: What else do ya got?
It’s Jerry Seinfeld on the phone. Don’t you want to try and have one of those “Seinfeld” conversations?
When Jerry Seinfeld says: “Well, it’s about the annoying word ‘hydrate,’ that everyone is constantly advising me to ‘hydrate.’ It’s about the word ‘tired.’ Words that are so thick in the air.”
You might try: “I know! And yet no one ever advises you to ‘urinate.’ You can lose half a day urinating. It’s tiring.”
Seinfeld: “And energy drinks. Five hours? Really?”
“I mean, how they came up with that amount of time just fascinates me,” he said. “Was that in a lab? Five hours. It’s just such a weird chunk of time to get revved up. It doesn’t get you through work. It’s too long for an evening. Who’s working from 1 to 6 is really the question.”
You: “Well, it does give you an hour to get the hospital if your Viagra experiment lasts longer than four hours.”
