Some years ago, when I was director of Behavioral Health at The Everett Clinic, I was leading a staff meeting in my department. We were discussing some important issues in our work. After the meeting, I felt I hadn’t done a particularly good job in my role as a leader. I did too much talking and not enough listening. I hadn’t facilitated a very productive discussion and I was disappointed in my performance. It stimulated me to reflect on my own leadership skills.
As our nation moves toward the next presidential election, many of us are reflecting on what makes a good leader. After all, we’re going to have to pick someone to be the next president. We can look back in history and select individuals who were great leaders in times of crisis — Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln, just to name a few.
But what makes a good leader? When are leadership skills required in everyday life? Is leadership an art or a craft? How can we develop these abilities?
Years ago, I attended a five-day workshop on the “Art of Leadership.” There were 25 participants, mostly women, who were mid-level directors with health care organizations, non-profit organizations, schools and businesses. The workshop was an eye-opener for me. In one of the exercises, facilitators assigned an interesting problem for small groups to solve. I jumped in with a clear idea of how to solve this problem. I was so sure of myself. The only catch — I was completely wrong. We needed an “outside the box” solution and I was thinking in traditional ways. It was sobering.
Managers and executives are not the only ones that require leadership skills. Every day, parents exercise leadership in their families. We need leadership skills when we make decisions that require action, resources and people. Challenges in daily life can demand that someone take charge and encourage the cooperation and participation of others.
So, here are some points to consider:
■ Leaders connect with the people around them and facilitate strong connections amongst others. Connecting with others enables us to feel part of something larger than ourselves, for example, connecting with your children and partner helps them feel part of their family. Building strong connections with co-workers makes them feel part of an organization, fosters collaboration and builds trust. It reflects your genuine interest in others. This is a necessary pre-condition for someone to want to follow your lead.
■ “Overconfidence” and “Underconfidence” can be equally negative. In the workshop, I noticed that many of us suffered from “overconfidence” (Yeah—we were so sure of ourselves even when we were completely wrong) and many others lacked confidence (despite the fact that they were often right). Too often, adults rely on age or experience to guide them and to provide them with confidence in themselves. It’s not always a good idea. Great ideas can come from anywhere.
■ Good leaders are good listeners. Effective leaders are better at listening to others than making their point. And when they do express an opinion, it’s respectful of the people around them.
■ Effective leaders bring forth the voices of others. This was tough for me. Helping others articulate their thoughts, find innovative approaches, come together with others and chart a successful course of action is the work of leadership. This helps others find the wisdom and knowledge that’s within them. This, I believe, is the fuel of organizations that flourish.
■ Strong leaders have courage. They are not afraid to make decisions and make mistakes. They do not let their fear prevent them from acting. They’re willing to stand up for what they believe in—but in a way that is respectful of the people around them.
■ Leaders don’t “push” or “pull” others — they bring them along. When you push others, guess what? They push back. When you pull others, they resist. But when you bring them along with you, they want to come. That is the magic of effective leadership.
Paul Schoenfeld is a clinical psychologist at The Everett Clinic. His Family Talk blog can be found at www. everettclinic.com/ healthwellness-library.html.
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